Shame seems to be a buzzword these days, isn’t it? And it’s a good thing-- people talking more about the things that hold them back and keep them unhappy.

But, what I see over and over again are women saying, “I get and love when you talk about the inner-critic, perfectionism, and even not feeling good enough...but I don’t get the whole ‘shame’ thing and I don’t think I actually have any”.

And I get it. I think we might think of people walking around with shame that have done unthinkable things. Caught embezzling money from their church and the whole congregation knows. Caught having an affair with their psychiatrist and people are whispering around town about it. Or the kid whose mom is an alcoholic and comes drunk to the school play, things like that. But, what I’ve come to know, is that shame is much more common than we think and most of the time, shame happens in much smaller scenarios. And I hate to break it to those of you that think you’re the exception to shame, but ALL of us have it.

And if we’re not facing and claiming that we have shame, processing it, and learning how to move through it, then shame is owning us and we’re in a constant state of running from it.

Hey Ass kickers!

Welcome to episode 69 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast! Today’s show has already become one of my personal favorites, I’m so excited to bring it to you. My long-time friend and master certified life coach Susan Hyatt is here with us! Susan has been coaching for a decade and has thousands of fans, including Dr. Martha Beck and Maria Shriver!

And one of the things that has won her so many fans is the fact that she walks her talk. She’s used coaching techniques to drop 35 pounds, revitalize her marriage and uplevel her career.

On today’s show we discuss a mishmash of topics including why body issues are holding women back from leading big lives, what we can do right now to make peace with our bodies and why it’s so important to take big risks!

I was having a conversation with my friend Kate-- I’m not even sure what we were discussing and I started telling her about about how amazing it felt to finally take responsibility for my life. Let me back up…

I hit my own rock bottom in early 2007. About a year prior to that my husband had left me for another woman, and I immediately got into a new relationship. This new boyfriend ended up being a drug addict and faked cancer to cover up his addiction. Our break-up was horrible. I found myself on the floor of my apartment, crying my eyes and begging The Universe to help me. Not to spoil the story-- but the Universe did show up to help me, however there was something really important I had to do first.

See, the reason I found myself in two back-to-back messed up situations was because I made two very big mistakes in my life: 1) I looked to other people to make me happy and 2) when it didn’t work out I blamed them. For everything. My addiction to control was so strong I had unknowingly convinced myself that if only I could make other people change, I would be happy. If they would just do and be what I said, everything would be fine. Throw in some perfectionism and avoiding feeling my feelings and I was a serious mess.

But, that day when I picked myself up off the floor, I knew one thing: The only thing these situations had in common was me. My ex husband and ex boyfriend were not solely responsible for my feelings and future. Sure, what they did was lame, but I had to take total responsibility for myself. For once.

Hey Ass kickers!

Welcome to episode 67 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast! On today’s show we’re talking with the one and only Dr. Amy Johnson. Amy is a social psychologist and master certified coach who helps people see their true default nature is wellness and clarity, even when they don’t see it themselves!

Amy is also an accomplished speaker; she has been a regular guest expert on The Steve Harvey Show, and has been published often in The Wall Street Journal, SELF magazine and Oprah.com.

During our talk today, Amy and I dialogue about all things brain-related! We discuss the remarkably simple way our brains work, why understanding that simplicity and following it leads to an easier life and the important role curiosity and suspicion play in examining our own stories and opening up to new ways of being.

You know that person everyone falls in love with the second he or she walks into a room? He or she doesn’t necessarily have to be gorgeous, or start throwing cash around the room. No, this person just has “something” that draws others in. And you’d give your right arm to know what it is that is so super awesome about that person. She isn’t necessarily even charming or charismatic; she just seems to radiate something that is magnetic.

I’ll save you the endless nights awake trying to figure out what it is.

Truth: That person loves herself. The end.

Confidence is about believing in yourself. Self-esteem is about believing in your worth.

Self-love is both of those wrapped up into one, plus more. It’s like the perfect feast for your soul.

And at the same time, self-love can be this mysterious, elusive thing. Ask a woman what her menstrual cycle is like or how she takes her coffee and she can tell you in great detail. But ask her about self-love and you’ll probably get a blank stare.

If you’re not sure whether you love yourself, here’s a quick quiz:

Do you think you’re awesome?

Do you love yourself unconditionally? (In other words, do you put conditions on your self-love such as your weight, salary, relationship status, etc.?)

Do you go after your goals while deep down knowing you are worthy of attaining them?

If you answered “no” to any or all of these questions, we’ve got some work to do, sister!