http://yourkickasslife.com/114

Burnout.

So, I’m in a burn out phase. It happens. I used to beat myself up for getting to a place of burn out, feeling like I must have done something wrong along the way, that I must have not balanced right, must have not delegated enough, didn’t lean in at the right angle.

But, nine years into raising babies, a business, and participating in a marriage, for me-- burn out is part of the game. And some self-help experts might gasp and tell me I’m doing it wrong, and that it doesn’t have to be that way, and my response is that I’m doing the best I can, I’m totally confident of that-- and this is what works for me.

I kind of look at my life and have found it possible and necessary to have self-compassion because when you do what I do-- when you hold space for people emotionally (sometimes a lot of people at once) it’s thrilling and beautiful and amazing and all of those things, and it can also be exhausting. Coupled with other factors-- a child with special needs, new big projects and it’s the perfect storm. Luckily, now, I see burnout coming like when the train tracks start to vibrate before you can see the train, instead of how it used to be-- not seeing it and letting the train hit me.

So, now when I see it coming, I back out and figure out what I need to do in terms of self-care. What that looks like is that I’ve decided to NOT teach any more classes for the rest of the year. The Masterclass will open for registration either in December or January, (get on the waitlist if you don’t want to miss  early registration which has a price break!) and we’ll start in the new year. I’ve also decided to put off some projects that I was gung-ho on earlier this year. They’ll wait until January.

In other words, I make necessary changes. And I have to grapple with my inner-critic that tells me I can’t put those things off, they’re imperative to my bottom line, and it’s a big mistake. My inner-critic tells me I actually CAN and SHOULD do it all and that other bullshit that makes me crazy.

In other words, I surrender.

YOU GUYS! DID YOU HEAR THAT? I SURRENDER. ME, ANDREA OWEN, THE QUEEN OF “I’M NOT LETTING ANYTHING GO YOU’LL HAVE TO PRY IT OUT OF MY COLD, DEAD HANDS”. I SURRENDERED.

Which is proof, it can be done. Letting it go can happen. Even though I’m pretty sure hell has frozen over and there are pigs flying there, but yep, surrender.

And to be honest, this has been a process. It’s not like I woke up this week and decided. It’s been years of surrendering in the shallow end with floaties on. Easing into to surrender. Little teeny, tiny turtle steps.

Switching gears, part of my burnout was the beginnings of a new, big project: writing my second book. I feel like it’s just like having a second baby-- you’re already done it so you know what to expect, but that doesn’t really make it any easier. It’s a different baby, so you don’t really know how it’s going to go until you’re in it.

So, right now I’m exiting the “fuck off” phase and entering the “panic” phase (see below).

I have until December 31st to finish the entire manuscript. Now, this might seem like a long time, but I’d be a lot happier with about two extra months (not possible for a fall 2017 release date). So, from August 29th (first week of school) to December 31st, I will be head-down, eating, sleeping, and breathing writing this book. When I first decided to write it, I said to everyone, “This time it won’t be so dramatic, I’m choosing to have it not be so hard. Peace and ease people, peace and ease.”

Ahem.

Y’all. THIS IS HARD. Elizabeth Gilbert calls this “creative martyrdom” when you make this face:

all through your creative process and let me tell you-- me and creative martyrdom are doing a disco dance together. We’ve got it down, we are so in sync, we have matching outfits and are LEGIT. CREATIVE MARTYRDOM HAS BEGUN.

On a positive note, because it’s so hard and dramatic, this book is going to SPECTACULAR. I’m so excited for you to read it!

http://yourkickasslife.com/113

Welcome to episode 113 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast! I’m delighted to bring you yet another terrific guest, my friend and yours, Christine Hassler. You may remember Christine from her first visit to the show on episode 58 (it’s linked in the resources section below). To refresh your memory, Christine is a former Hollywood agent who left that life at the age of 25 to pursue a life she could be passionate about. In the 10+ years since then, she has become a life coach, a speaker, an author and a retreat leader. She helps women and men around the world uncover self-acceptance, find their passions and make an impact in the world. In addition to her latest best-selling book, Christine has appeared on The Today Show, CNN, ABC, CBS, PBS and regularly contributes to The Huffington Post and Cosmo. On this episode, we talk about topics like what her divorce taught her about honoring herself and her own path, and what proactively surrendering means to her.

http://yourkickasslife.com/podcast/112

Today I’m going to talk about something I’ve never talked about before: racism.

So, why this topic? I'm passionate about a lot of different important matters-- media literacy, the oversexualization of girls and women, recovery, sex trafficking, Autism awareness, LGBTQ rights, but the reason I'm talking about this now is because I think there's a lot of people who might relate to my experience and learn from this conversation. Also, what dawned on me is that if I’m passionate about female equality, if I want things like equal pay and the same rights for women as we have for me….isn’t this the same thing? Equality for all people, not just equality for women.

So, maybe, selfishly, I’m here talking about this as a way of apologizing for my own ignorance. Maybe it’s a way for me to process the feelings around it. And for the record, I know that equal rights for people of color matter more than white people's feelings. I know that. But, I think for people who may be just “waking up” here, I needed to at least mention it. At any rate, I thought it would be helpful to do it all out loud and basically, I have some intentions for this episode:

1. To talk about my journey as a white person in America and how for me...coming to terms with my own racism, how I've unknowingly contributed and what I'm doing, feeling and thinking now.

2. Walk my talk in that to create change, we need to have these tough, uncomfortable conversations. I'm open to talk about a lot of hard topics, but this one has been probably the most uncomfortable yet.

3. To encourage you to get honest with yourself. I promise I'll be 100% honest in this episode and can 100% guarantee I'll want to throw up.


Because at the end of the day, this podcast is about living your kick-ass life, it’s about you gaining the skills to have conversations about tough things that no one wants to talk about. Typically, no one wants to talk about vulnerability, shame, and fear and I ask you regularly to talk about those. I teach classes on how to do this. And this is what this podcast episode is about. Me having one of those hard conversations and inviting you to do the same. I don't expect you to go out and join a black lives matter chapter, or speak out publicly about this if you're scared (but if you want to, GO DO IT). Today is about talking about something that needs to be talked about.

Again, I am really uncomfortable having this conversation. I’m afraid. Afraid of saying the wrong things. As someone who’s so new to this conversation, there’s a good chance I’ll get it wrong. I’m afraid people will say, “Please don’t. Please go back to just regular personal development stuff and save this topic for ‘real activists’”

However...I feel called to do this. I was never called to appease the critics. I was never called to make everyone comfortable. I was called to create space and permission to talk about things that matter. To talk about the stuff no one wants to talk about. To talk about the things that make us uncomfortable. I was called to encourage everyone to be brave while being brave myself.

And I hope I’m doing that for you today.

In this episode I’m bringing in my friend Kelly Diels and you can read more about her below.

And one more thing before I bring you the episode. If you’re a woman of color, this is something I never thought to mention before, but I want you to know you’re welcome here in the YKAL community. If you’re a lesbian, or transgender, if you identify as a woman, you are welcome in my community and in my classes. I don’t ever want any woman to feel excluded based on her race or sexual orientation.  

I’m terrified of zombies. I’m extra mad that they’ve become trendy lately and I have to see their dead asses all over the place like it’s funny or something. Well, let me tell you: it’s not. Just typing these words has made the hair stand up on the back of my neck, they effing scare the shit out of me.

http://yourkickasslife.com/111

But, that’s not the type of fear I’m talking about today. I just thought you should be aware how much I hate zombies. Moving on…

The kind of fear I’m talking about is the kind of fear that stops you from living your own kick-ass life, more specifically stepping out of your comfort zone.

Going after your dream job, moving out of your home town, setting boundaries, having uncomfortable (but necessary) conversations, dating, leaving your spouse, whatever the thing is that you want badly to do, but don’t do it.

You procrastinate, self sabotage, convince yourself it’s better to stay where you are, and buy into your bullshit excuses.

And I used to do it too.

I used to think that courage and confidence was for “the lucky ones”. They were born that way, they had some kind of special DNA or superpower that I didn’t have. So, I played small.

And then my life fell apart and for the first time ever in my life I said, “Fuck. This. Shit”.

My life falling apart created an entry point for me to start something. All my fears were brought to the surface like one big giant zombie attack. Some of my worst fears had actually come true. And it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Because I was still standing (barely, but I was).

My fear story looked like this: I told myself I would be no one and I would be unhappy if I wasn’t married (so I’ll stay in this sometimes-okay-sometimes-mediocre relationship). My dream job was too hard to get, (so I’ll stick to this safe corporate one). People think I’m too loud and annoying, (so I’ll censor myself). I’m terrified people won’t like me (so I won’t set boundaries).

If I let my thoughts run away with all my fear stories, they seemed monumentous. They’d pile up like one big mountain of garbage and for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what the hell was wrong with me. The easiest thing I could think of to deal with the disappointment in my life was to blame. If my boyfriend was better, I’d be happier. If it wasn’t so hard to get ahead at my job, I’d be happier. If I’d been born a Kardashian, I’d be happier.

Any of this sound familiar?

So, here was the big shift after my “fuck this shit” moment:

I decided I didn’t care anymore about the debilitating fear. Was I still scared, yes, definitely. But, I finally realized life wasn’t going to slow down and wait up for me. It was going to keep passing me by. I knew I didn’t get a second chance here in life. I wasn’t proud of who and where I was or how I was living my life and I sure as shit was not going to die that way. So, I started standing up for myself. I started taking action on my dreams. I heard the excuses and inner critic, and did it anyway. I cried, I broke down, I screwed up, failed a lot, and kept going. And the side effect of all of it was courage and confidence. It was like looking for years and years for a lost treasure and finally finding it where you would never think it was.

Where is your “fuck this shit” moment? You don’t have to have a big, life-changing experience like mine. But, where did you or do you still need to draw the line in the sand and decide to maneuver through your fear? You may be here stuck and if you are, I invite you to take a good look at your fear story: What are you afraid of? Name it. Write it out. The scariest thing that you think might be possible. And then ask yourself if deep down in that part of you that is your highest self, do you think your fear story is really true?

And the ironic thing is that the courage and confidence you need are in the face of what you’re actually afraid of. So many people are looking for it, but you have to actually take action while still not ready and still scared in order to gain courage and confidence. When you slowly, but deliberately, take action on your desires, you find what you need on the other side. And you may not get what you want right away or the first time, but the courage and confidence are building within you.

http://yourkickasslife.com/podcast/110

Welcome to episode 110 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast! Today’s topic is one we can all relate to: mothers. Our guest, Karen Anderson, is an author and mentor who helps women who struggle with or are estranged from their mothers.

Through her coaching, mentorship and Emotional Freedom Technique practice, she helps them overcome dysfunctional generational patterns and go on to live truly, happy, fulfilled lives. Karen is a master-certified life coach through The Life Coach School and is the also the author of The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide to Separating From a Difficult Mother.

On this episode, Karen shares her personal journey with her mother, and how that led her on a courageous inner personal journey from victimhood to conscious awareness and healing. She explains how you can talk about your own story without becoming a victim, and why it’s important to take ownership of your thoughts and beliefs around any experience in your life.