http://yourkickasslife.com/153

Hi ass kickers,

Today is a Listener Q & A day! Thank you so much to those of you who’ve submitted questions for the podcast. We have two today, so let’s get started:

The first Q is from Stacey:

Hi Andrea,

I absolutely love your book and your podcast. As a 25 year old with loads of anxiety, I have gained a ton of knowledge and also a great sense of support with your community.

I've been seeing a therapist for a year, and I definitely have found myself  obsessing over emotions and feelings when my sessions begin and end. Have you ever stopped therapy to take a break? It sometimes makes me feel like I put so much focus on feelings that I obsess over them and lose the rational side of myself.

The answer I give covers, anxiety and what to do about that, self-trust and much more. Listen in to hear my answer/experience/advice!

For the second Q, I bring my one of my dearest friends, Kate Anthony, (you may remember her from another listener Q & A on divorce and heartbreak). This question comes from a listener named Amy:

I would love a podcast about what it really means and looks like to be with your feelings. I alternate between numbing and anxiety that can go into full blown panic attacks. It’s causing problems at work and more importantly my marriage. I'm not as patient with my kids and really just don't want to deal with anything at all. Why can't there be a 12-step to dealing with depression and anxiety? What do I do next?
I'm working on yoga and meditation, and exercise a least 4x a week. To the outside world I'm strong, calm and have the ideal life. I have lost two people very close to me. My sister two years ago and not even a year ago my stepdad passed away who I considered my father. I really don't want to take medication. I have always been a worrier and people pleaser.

In addressing this question, Kate and I talk about:

• Why just yoga, meditation, and exercise are probably not working for Amy.
• Medication-- should she take it or not?
• What happens when you don’t feel your feelings, like grief?
• HOW to actually feel your feelings? We give two tools to start with.

My immense thanks to these two podcast listeners for submitting their questions. Your courage is inspiring and helps others. If you’d like to submit a question to the podcast, you can shoot an email to support@yourkickasslife.com with “question for the podcast” in the subject line.

http://yourkickasslife.com/152

Hey Ass-Kickers!

In this episode I’m joined by Alexandra Jamieson, who is on a mission to start a happiness pandemic in the USA. How you ask? Alex aims to inspire women to fall in love with their bodies and play life by her own rules! You may recognize Alex from her co-starring role in the massively popular 2004 documentary, Super Size Me. She’s here today to share her experiences and knowledge about the different types of cravings we get as women, and to educate us on why listening to our bodies is absolutely necessary.

http://yourkickasslife.com/151

Today’s post/episode could have been titled simply, “Tips to Live a Better Life” -- it simply is tips on how to make your life better, more peaceful, and yes, how to make your dreams come true. So, here they are, in no particular order...

• Be okay with where you are right now. You may feel like you’re faaaar away from where you want to be. Instead of focusing on how much X, Y, and Z sucks, try focusing on what you want, how you’re going to change where you are, and how grateful you are for what you DO have. Total, complete change of focus. You’ll be amazed at how things change just by shifting your mindset while you work on changing your circumstances.
• Hold steadfast to what you want and WHY you want it. Why do you want to own your own business? Why do you want to take a trip to Europe? Why do you want to finish your Masters? What will you get out of doing these things? Figure out the whys and then look for how you can fulfill those feelings now in your life. For example, if it’s freedom that you want out of your goals, think about ways you can feel free now. De-clutter your house? Running through fields of flowers with your arms outstretched? It may be on a much smaller scale, but you’re fulfilling a core feeling that’s truly important to your soul. Feed it!
• Surround yourself with awesomeness. Your physical environment is imperative to your dream life. Like I always say, surround yourself with assholes and you’re in for a shitty life (Tweet that!). This goes for people and your surroundings. Do you love your bedroom? Is the inside of your car a wreck and you hate it? Do you loathe all of your clothes? Well then for the love of Pete change it! It’s a lot easier to feel good about yourself when you’re surrounded with what and who you love.
• Clean up your messes. Basically, say you’re sorry if you’ve been a shit. I apologize to my kids about once a week. About the same to my husband. This may seem unrelated to making your dreams come true but this one is about peace. When you clean up your messes you have peace. And when you have peace you open up doors for what you want to enter.
• Forgive those that have hurt you. Holding grudges and not forgiving those that have hurt you really is like setting yourself on fire and hoping the other person chokes on your smoke. You are the one that is suffering, not them. Forgiving someone else (even when they don’t ask for it and may never know that you did) is all about you loving yourself enough to know that you can’t change the past. That’s it.
• Deal with your shit. We ALL have issues, so get help for it. Even those people you think are perfect that sprinkle glitter smiles all over the place— somewhere in their life they have issues with parents, trauma, relationships, something. You are no exception. There is no shortage of help out there. That stuff doesn’t go away on its own and your dreams coming true are dependent on it.

http://yourkickasslife.com/150

Hey Ass Kickers!

Today’s guest on the podcast is Lisa Steadman, a long-time friend of mine and all-around awesome lady. Her energy is infectious and I’m sure you’ll love her! In this episode we’re talking all about happiness, and embracing the spot that you’re currently in. Lisa shows us that you can be happy with where you are in life, but still that doesn’t mean that you’re finished growing or changing either.

http://yourkickasslife.com/149

I believe people change for two reasons: Pleasure and/or pain. They see something they want or want more of, and they go after it. And sometimes, they get to a place where they cannot stand for one more day being where they are, so they move out of the situation. Sometimes it looks like taking action, sometimes it’s inner-work, many times it’s a combo of the two.

And there are the type of people who are feeling anywhere from uncomfortable to downright shitty in their life, and maybe they don’t know why. So, I’ve compiled a list of signs that are huge red flags that it’s time to make a change. Check off as needed…

1. You’re ridiculously envious of other people lives. You think everyone has it better and easier than you do. You want a marriage like your neighbor. You want to love your job like your sister does. You want a more fun life like that one lady on Facebook. You want to dance like the Solid Gold dancers of 1979. Whatever it is you’re envying, it means you want something more in your life. That you admire something about that other person. So, why can’t you have it? If you think you can’t, I call bullshit. Your commitment to “can’t” is simply a story you’re tied to. Divorce that story and marry a new one. Seriously, you guys, it’s ALL about the story you tell yourself.

2. You’re feeling resentful. I.e. pissed. Frustrated. Irritated. Resentments are a sure sign that a few different things might be happening in your life.

1. There’s a failure to communicate somewhere. Solution: You have the power to show up and say your truth. Has that happened? Guess whose responsibility that is?
2. Boundaries may be crossed. Solution: First- have they been established previously? If not, that’s on you.
3. Tied into the other two, you’re tolerating something that very well may have the ability to be changed. Solution: Either change it, or change your story around it.

3. You’re numbing out. We all want to feel relief fast. Sometimes that relief comes in spending money, drinking booze, or losing ourselves playing Candy Crush Saga. But, what are you avoiding when you’re numbing out on a regular basis? Is it your marriage? Your fears? Your insecurities?

For me, I used to numb out when I was overwhelmed. Perfectionism and control ruled me and since neither were ever something I could attain, I felt worse about myself. So, I drank, shopped, and dieted in an attempt to gain perfection and control and to numb the feelings of failure and fear. And then I felt worse and the cycle started all over again. I was avoiding my real feelings (surrender, acceptance, and vulnerability scared the holy shit out of me) rather than facing and feeling them. But clearly, it was time for a change.

Facing your issues instead of numbing out is scary, I get it. But the truth is that it DOES NOT go away if you just ignore it. In fact, it gets worse. I cannot encourage you enough to just deal with it.

4. You’re trying to change everyone else, or at least think everyone else needs to change. If everyone would just do as you say, and stop doing this and that, and just STFU, your life would be better. Ahhhhhh…..

Truth: Everyone else’s shit is not about you. Deal with your own and keep your side of the street clean. I can’t tell you how much better my own life has become since I realized this and stopped (by no means mastered. More like one day at a time) running around like a lunatic trying to change, fix, tweak, and control other people and my circumstances. What needs to be changed in your life is you dealing with your own issues instead of everyone else’s. Trying to “fix” everyone else while ignoring your own life is a chicken-shit way to feel better. (TWEET THAT!) And it doesn’t work. So, face your own stuff and make that therapy appointment. (And P.S. while you’re there watch out for spending the whole hour complaining about everyone else.)

5. Your intuition is telling you that you need to make a change. This one sounds like a no-brainer, but I had to add it. You may already be at that place where your gut and heart are telling you to draw the damn line in the sand already and change, but you may not be listening. The fear of change trumps the fear of staying the same. But, ask yourself:

How scary is it to be in this same place 5, 10, or 20 years from now? Still not as scary as changing?

Your intuition is your subconscious mind that always has your back, always knows what’s best for you, and always wants to lead you to a place of happiness and fulfillment. But, the journey is many times unknown and crazy-scary so we ignore it or go in the opposite direction. So tell me, when has ignoring your intuition ever worked out for you?

So, there you have it. And if you liked this post, I'd love for you to share it. Because you never know who might need a change.