Your Kick Ass Life Podcast

As always, I’m very excited about today’s guest, partly because she’s awesome and partly because we’re talking about a topic I wrote about in my book-- a topic Tanya Geisler is an expert on!

Tanya has dedicated her life to helping women conquer the imposter complex, (we went into even more detail on the topic when Tanya previously appeared on the podcast). In this most recent episode we also look at everything from leadership to fear of success to cultural messaging.

When reaching a certain level of success people feel they are going to be alone, that there will be a disconnect between themselves and others, but it really doesn’t have to be this way and Tanya will help show us how.

http://yourkickasslife.com/189

 

Direct download: 189_Tanya_Geisler.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

If you’re a new podcast listener, you’ve found another recovery episode, where I have amazing conversations with women in recovery. Today’s guest is no exception! Tiffany Han is a writer, speaker, teacher and coach (as well as a fellow podcast host), and she has an interesting story of recovery.

You’ll see that not all problems are problems with a capital “P”, and listen to how Tiffany knew she needed to make changes before her drinking became a big problem.

It’s not just about quitting drinking, because you have to deal with your “shit” along with it.  Sobriety and recovery are two very different things, and you are always learning about yourself.

http://yourkickasslife.com/188

 

Direct download: 188_Tiffany_Han_Recovery_Series.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This is a topic I talk at length about in my book, How To Stop Feeling Like Shit: 14 Habits That Are Holding You Back From Happiness. Most people struggle with having hard conversations, as well as setting boundaries. These can be some hard lessons! Enjoy...

Let’s talk about something that doesn’t always kick ass: Tough, awkward conversations.

And I’ll start with a truth: most of us don’t have enough of them. I was just talking to a friend recently who had just moved in with her cousin and was feeling like she had no say in the space. That her cousin/roommate was messy and had her stuff everywhere. So my friend was upset and complaining at length about it.

And I asked, “So what do you plan on doing about it?” And my friend laughed and said she planned on doing nothing. Basically, just continue to complain about it. That having the conversation would be awkward and uncomfortable.

And I wonder– how many of us do this every damn day? How many of us avoid awkward conversations so often that it’s affecting our lives way more negatively that we even know?

You may think I’m nuts- but I think it’s all of us.

I’ll bet you reading this can think of at least one awkward conversation you need to have. Your mom does ____, it bugs the shit out you and you wish she’d stop. Your partner keeps joking with you about ____ and you actually don’t think it’s funny, it hurts your feelings. Your boss is ______ and you really wish she wouldn’t do that. Your best friend is always late and you need to ask her to try harder to be prompt to respect your time.

Almost every single one of my private clients over the last 8 years has had some kind of conversation that’s needed to take place that they’re avoiding. Why? Because it’s uncomfortable. Because they aren’t sure what the outcome will be. What if they other person gets mad? Says no? Gets their feelings hurt? Breaks up with them? Or (insert whatever worst-case scenario you can think of).

Now I’m not going to sit here with my pom-poms cheering you on and just telling you to go out and do it. If that’s all you needed you would have done it by now. What you need are some hard truths and a plan:

Hard truth #1: You have no idea how the conversation will go. No one can promise you it will go well or turn out in your favor. Booo, I know.

Hard truth #2: The problem and/or the way you feel about this will not just go away because you avoid it like a public toilet that desperately needs to be flushed. It actually can get worse. Way worse.

Hard truth #3: I wish this wasn’t the case, but even when you get the tools and do work on yourself, the conversations are still hard. What actually gets better is how you feel having done it. And lo and behold, in most cases your relationship with the other person gets better too.

And now, how do we do this? How do we walk into these difficult conversations without spontaneously combusting with fear and anxiety? (For the record, I don’t believe this has ever happened in real life). Here’s some steps:

  1. Get clear on what it is you need to say and try to avoid blaming, criticizing, and making the other person wrong. Instead of saying, “I really think you’re a jerk when you say this to me” you can say, “You probably have no idea, but it actually hurts my feelings when you say that. Can I please ask that you stop?”
  2. Let go of any attachment to the outcome. Of course you want it to go your way. Of course you want your partner to grovel with apologies or your boss to make big changes because of your requests. But, that doesn’t always happen. The truth is some people get uncomfortable with you being vulnerable and in that moment they…panic. Which brings me to…
  3. Get clear on what you need to walk away from the conversation having done in order to make yourself feel proud. Most of the time it’s simply making your needs be heard. Whether it’s received well is up to the other person, but all you are responsible for is YOU.
  4. Have the conversation at the right time. The discussion is going to be awkward enough, do it when you and the other person can hear it. Not at 11 pm at night when you and your husband are beat tired, not first thing on a Monday morning when you know your boss is walking into a meeting and a million emails, not when you call your mom and you can tell she’s shopping at Ross on 10% off Tuesday. Your timing is important.

I believe a lot of change comes from awkward conversations. We need to have more of them. It’s understandable that you’re scared. So is the person receiving it. And let’s be honest, most of us are scared many moments in the day and you live through those moments too. Change doesn’t happen by staying silent. So, what do you choose?

http://www.yourkickasslife.com/187

 

Direct download: Ep187final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Welcome back for the fourth episode in this recovery series (in addition to the 10 recovery episodes we aired last year)! My guest today is writer, life & recovery coach and speaker Sasha Tozzi.

Love addiction was a big realization to Sasha after she got sober and today she makes a conscious decision not to put people above her sitting on a pedestal. She also shares that learning how to trust herself and others again was a challenge for her (and so much more).

It’s important to understand that the addictions we are talking about today are isolating addictions, and it is important to have support as we go forward.

http://yourkickasslife.com/186

 

Direct download: 186_Sasha_Tozzi_Recovery_Series.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

For this episode I’m bringing back a repeat guest: the amazing Lori Harder! The first time Lori was here I really connected with her, and I felt like we had some unfinished conversation, which is why I’m so excited to do this today.

Lori uses the approach of mixing and matching both fitness and personal development, and she shares how failure and negativity will undoubtedly be a big part of your growth (and success).

You’ll hear how we all have personal fears that we’re working through, but it’s in his fear that opportunities can be revealed. Surrounding yourself with the like-minded people is key, and can you give the fresh perspective that you need.

http://yourkickasslife.com/185

 

Direct download: 185_Lori_Harder.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Welcome to another recovery episode of the podcast, where today my guest is Aidan Donnelley Rowley. Aidan is a very special human and I’m glad to share her story with you today!

In this episode she goes in detail about her personal journey with drinking, and as you’ll hear, it’s a different story than most. With the help of a therapist, her husband and her immense love for writing, Aidan was able to identify her issues with her drinking and how they were impacting her professional and personal life.

Whether you’re in recovery, or thinking about it, the wisdom Aidan shares today is sure to help you in your own journey.

http://yourkickasslife.com/182

 

Direct download: 184_Aidan_Donnelley_Rowley_Recovery_Series.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Ass kickers!

Today I’m bringing you two things:

  1. I wrote you a poem and I perform it for you with sweaty palms on this podcast episode. It was VERY SCARY for me to do. I hope you like it. You can also read it below.
  2. Also in this episode I’m talking about WHY I wrote this book, what it’s about, how it will change your life, what it all has to do with shame, and where you can come and see me this January so I can give you a giant hug and we’ll take a selfie.

First, here is the poem I wrote you. (There’s a lot more context in the podcast episode, so even if you don’t regularly listen, you may want to tune in for this one…)

You are magnificent.

You, woman with listening to these words, stop what you are doing and let that sink in.

No matter what your inner-voice tells you.

No matter what the magazines say.

No matter what our cultures twists us to believe... you are magnificent.

 

When a woman finally realizes this it’s like seeing two lovers embracing each other at an airport.

It being too unbearably long that they have converged.

Your unembraced magnificence is waiting patiently for you.

It will wait as long as it needs to, whispering quiet invitations to your life.

 

Will you stop and listen?

 

If you pause long enough you can hear it calling you.

Breathless storms of light beckoning you home.

Home being that place of magnificence.

Your magnificence.

 

You, dear woman, hold more power than you know.

Maybe you’ve caught glimpses of it and it scared you.

Maybe you’ve let it out and someone else squashed it in their own fear.

Maybe you can feel it but deny it.

Maybe you’ve destroyed it before it could even rise up.

 

Please, I beg you.

Walk towards it.

It won’t hurt you.
It IS you.

 

You are magnificent.

(#raisehelliscoming)

 --------------------

Second, I talk a lot about what’s in How To Stop Feeling Like Shit: 14 Habits That Are Holding You Back From Happiness including the two main solutions. I mention a lot of links in this episode, so here you go:

Link to pre-order the book, as well as the place to claim your bonuses (use that same link if you’ve already pre-ordered but haven’t claimed your bonuses yet or signed up for the free book club!)

Share the book trailer here on Facebook.

If you know of a podcast you think I should be interviewed on, tell us here.

NYC book signing will be on January 6th. We don’t have a bookstore yet (coming soon!), but please sign up here to be notified about where and what time.

NYC workshop is here (space is VERY limited!)  

Chicago book signing is here.

Chicago workshop is here.

San Diego book signing is here.

Portland book signing is here.

Greensboro, NC book signing is here.

I hope to see you in one of those cities, if not, I hope to see you in the free book club!

Hugs and ass kicking,

Andrea

http://yourkickasslife.com/183

 

Direct download: Ep183final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Today I have another recovery episode for you, with my guest Kristi Coulter. I first learned about Kristi when an essay that she had written went viral, and if you haven’t read it yet, I encourage you to do so. Even if you’re not in recovery, the messages she shares are so powerful.

In this episode we discuss a lot of Kristi’s writings, including an essay she wrote about how to not drink at Thanksgiving, and she shares with us her story about her relationship with alcohol (and the road to recovery).

Kristi is an incredible writer and woman in recovery, and I’m so honored to have been able to speak with her and share this important conversation.

http://yourkickasslife.com/182

 

Direct download: 182_Kristi_Coulter_Recovery_Series.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

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