Today I have an episode for you that was a suggested topic from one of our awesome listeners on Patreon. Patron members can suggest show topics, as well as get their personal questions answered on Listener Q & A episodes, and so many more perks! Head on over HERE to read more about how you can become a member.  

Corrina asks:

I would love to hear about how to tell the difference between the internal voice that is authentic and courageous versus the voice that is fearful and holding you back or is reactionary. For example, are you leaving a situation because it's good for you or are you in flight mode?

I also wrote a blog post about this AGES ago (2011 omg) so I’ve dug it up, updated it and am putting it back out there.

First and foremost, this is one tricky mother. To be honest, it’s still something I sometimes am challenged by in my own life, and when I am, I talk it out with a trusted friend. Sometimes processing externally can be helpful for you to be able to decipher. Journaling can also be helpful to process more internally.

Second, I do believe there are going to be times where you just don’t know for sure if it’s your intuition speaking or your inner-critic/fear. In those instances, you’ll need to just make a decision and see what happens. I can say that the more you intentionally work on paying attention to your intuition (practices like meditation, stillness, being in nature, journaling, yoga) the more in tune you’ll be with it, and the more clear it will become.

In no particular order, here are some ways to decipher if it’s your inner-critic/fear/gremlin or your intuition/soul voice speaking to you: 

Your inner-critic doesn’t like change; but if it’s good for you, your intuition will encourage it. Gremlins like to keep you exactly where you are, even if you’re not in a great place. For instance, if you hate your job it seems like a no-brainer that you would want to leave, right? So, you daydream about your dream job, doing that thing you’ve always wanted. Your gremlin pops up and says, “There’s no way. What if it doesn’t work? It’s too risky anyway.” You listen to your inner-critic and the days drag on in the grips of this sucky job.

Your intuition is the voice and vision that is steering your daydreams. Your intuition is the voice of your soul and that voice wants you to be happy or else it wouldn’t give you all these dreams! Trusting your dreams is trusting your intuition. Practice adding on to these daydreams visions of  you actually bridging the gap between where you are now and where you want to be. What steps are necessary for you to leave that sucky job and get your dream job? Scary, yes, your gremlin will tell you so. Notice it, keep dreaming, and taking action.

Your gremlin voices come from your head, but your intuitional voice come from your heart. In my opinion, most of us live 99% of the time in our heads (especially if you are a part of my community, you smart, go-getting woman,you!). It takes practice and slowing down (what’s that?) to listen to our hearts. Often times I ask clients a big, pondering question during a coaching session and they respond quickly, without any hesitation, but that answer surprises them, or they backpedal. For instance, say I asked you if you could do anything for the next month, what would it be? And you responded with, “I’d get on a plane, go to an animal sanctuary that I follow on Instagram and volunteer there. But, there’s no way I could actually do that!” I know immediately that the initial answer came from their heart and the excuse came from their head. I respond with, “What if you answered that question just from your heart instead of your head?” and always they respond with something to the effect of, “Huh….let me sit with that for a minute.”

“Getting out of your own way” requires you to get out of your own head. And trust me, we live there. So, how in the world do we do this, you might ask? First, slow down. And simply ask. “What does my heart say about this?”  is good enough. And be patient for the answer. This all might sound a bit “woo woo”, but believe me, it’s possible!

Gremlin voices tell you things out of fear; intuition comes from your soul wanting you to be happy. Fear is your inner-critic’s middle name. Its motives-- keeping you from change are based on, you guessed it, fear. It’s afraid of change, afraid of failure, afraid of looking like a (you fill in the blank), afraid of everything.

Intuition, on the other hand, wants you to be happy. It’s rooting for you, cheering for you, encouraging and supporting you, even if you can’t hear it right now. If you take everything you hear that’s inside you that is fear-based and notice and become aware that that is your gremlin, you’ll begin to filter it out. That may be the first step you need to take. It’s a big leap to think you can sit down and decipher the two. It takes practice, awareness and more practice. Many people actually feel their intuition physically, whether it’s hair standing up on the back of their necks, a feeling in their stomach, or goosebumps.

Gremlins generally aren’t very nice, intuition is soft and squishy. Some people’s gremlins are assholes, plain and simple. That’s why is also known as negative self-talk. But you might not even notice because you’re not only so used to hearing it, but the voice becomes you truth. Your inner-critic says things ranging from mean or disempowering things about the way you look or how you act, to making comments about the things you dream about and hope for. Think for a moment if your gremlin were a real-life person. Would you put up with that? My guess is no.

Intuition on the other hand has been with you from the time you were born and never has a bad word to say to you or about you. Your intuition protects you from dangerous situations as well as dangerous people. (Some people believe their gremlin has motivates them. Click here to read more on that.). Intuition is your internal best friend. Your inherent fairy godmother, if you will.

Lastly, like I mentioned before, sometimes our intuition gets murky. I often see this in people that are new to trying to decipher the two. One tip is that a red flag is a red flag. If you hear yourself thinking, “That just doesn’t seem right”, then it isn’t! We often over-analyze and think our way out of what our intuition is trying to tell us, when in reality, our intuitional voice is plain and simple! No over-explaining, no justifying, it just spells it out.

This episode officially kicks off a series I’m calling Conversations About Shit That Matters with Unqualified People. Today, my friend Elizabeth DiAlto and I are talking about doing the work in terms of racism, white supremacy, and more.

You might wonder what this has to do with personal development? Well, the deeper I get into my own personal development work and even trainings, the more I can see that the root of the problems many of us face (feeling not good enough, lack of confidence, etc.) is rooted in white supremacy and patriarchy. And trust me when I tell you there was a time many years ago when I would have disagreed with that. However, back then I hadn’t done enough work, nor (although largely unconscious at the time) had I wanted to admit that a system that I largely benefitted from could be the problem.

One of the heavy topics I am passionate about dismantling is rape culture. The system that normalizes and trivializes the sexual assault and harassment of women. The idea that women’s bodies are disposable and that sexual violence is normal. A couple of years ago I realized that there is a direct connection from rape culture to both patriarchy and white supremacy, and so began my work over here on my own, so I can better educate. This episode is the very beginning of that.

Back to today’s episode! Although this isn’t a teaching/expert interview episode, Elizabeth and I explore some important topics, including:

• To be a true ally, you must perform acts of solidarity (15 minutes and 48 seconds)
• Unpacking white supremacy and white privilege: the power of group. community, safe processing buddies, and collective intelligence (24:04)
• Shaming and tone policing in social media (25:54)
• An important distinction between shaming and holding people accountable; and fragility (30:27)
• Being of mixed race, whitewashing cultures, and being ethnically ambiguous (40:05)
• Dropping unconscious biases and exploring assumptions about health and overweight people (48:10)

http://yourkickasslife.com/247

This week I have the pleasure of introducing you all to the brilliant and kind, Dr. John Duffy.  Dr. Duffy is the author of the number-one best-selling book, The Available Parent.  He is a nationally-recognized expert in self-awareness, relationships, and parenting. He is also the host of the podcast, Undue Anxiety.  I met Dr. Duffy while on my book tour for, How To Stop Feeling Like Shit. Following our conversation (I was a guest on his podcast), I knew I wanted to have Dr. John on my show to talk about the very tender topic of depression, because it’s his speciality. Whether you are battling depression or you know someone who is, today’s topic is one that touches so many lives.

Today we talk all about depression, how it shows up, why it’s not your job to fix a loved one’s depression and some ways you can support them. Plus, we touch on boundaries as it relates to depression and what to do if you are a parent of a child who may be struggling with some form of mental illness or depression.

In this episode you’ll hear:

• How depression might show up in people’s lives and what it may look like 
• Some ways you can support someone who is struggling with depression 
• Therapies, tools, medications, and treatments for depression, today, as opposed to 25 years ago, really do work
• The U.S. is seeing an increase in suicide rates more than other countries: Dr. Duffy shares why he thinks this may be and why excessive stimuli could be part of the reason 
• Changing gender dynamics, gender biases, and marketing: how they play into an increase in alcohol consumption and addiction by women 
• What to do when you suspect your child is struggling with depression or another form of mental illness

http://yourkickasslife.com/246

We’re back with another Listener Q & A episode! I plan to do these every quarter, and if you’re a member of Patreon, you can submit your questions for me and one of my expert friends to answer on an episode.

Today I have my BFF and fellow life coach, Amy Smith of The Joy Junkie joining us to answer a listener question about her family. We get a little off track talking about poop, but it’s one of those things that happens to everyone! 🙈

The Listener’s questions are:

How do you navigate family/friends when it comes to your self help journey?

Whether it be your spouse/partner who is trying to help, but may be too pushy or you feel like you're disappointing him when you are not reaching your goals quickly.

Or maybe your family who may be trying to protect you. They don't exactly discourage you, but are not exactly supportive of your big goals.

Or your friends/family who will not let you forget your past mistakes? Constantly bringing up embarrassing situations or failures.

Sometimes I feel like I am responsible for everyone's goals. And sometimes that makes me not want to try at all. It is a lot and I do not know where to begin.

I have a large family and sometimes it feels like I am the only one who wants a better life. It is very overwhelming and discouraging. I feel like I have to make enough money to ensure my parents/brothers/sisters are financially set for life. Makes me not want to try harder because then more will be expected of me. Sometimes I wish I could be happy in mediocrity.

Listen in as Amy and I give her advice on what to do and say in these tricky situations. Family can be the hardest to navigate, and virtually no one is immune to this! Thank you to our courageous listener for not only asking the questions, but taking initiate to change a situation in her life that she’s not happy about!

http://yourkickasslife.com/245