Your Kick Ass Life Podcast

Announcement! Not Another Self-Help Podcast is coming! Amy and I need your personal development questions so hit us up here. Also, we’d be honored if you listened to our first two episodes which drop Friday, January 3rd! 

Two weeks ago was all about looking back on not just 2019, but the entire decade that’s ending. If you haven’t listened to that one, check out episode 309, plus there’s a free journaling PDF.

Let’s start with the basics: values and the way you speak to yourself.

Some people love to have a word of the year, and values work could be married together with that. I talk about values at length in How To Stop Feeling Like Shit, and I’ll give you a crash course here. This will be an important refresher for those of you who’ve done values work before. 

Think about a time in your life where you were proud of yourself. Maybe you took action on something you were afraid to do. Maybe you left a relationship, set a boundary with someone, told someone how you felt or went to a party where you didn’t know anyone. Think of that time. 

What was the value you were honoring then? It might have been courage for being brave enough to do something scary. Or, authenticity for showing up as your best self. Or honesty and integrity for speaking up about something that was important to you. Or, trust for trusting yourself enough to walk away from a situation you know wasn’t good for you. It might be ALL of those things, but what are the values that stand out to you the most? 

I’m thinking of the many clients I’ve had over the last decade and the brave things they’ve done. I had a client who had a strained relationship with her mother, who sat down, planned out everything she wanted to say to her mother and had the talk. Years of resentment, frustration, and hurt came together in a conversation she was proud of. She honored courage, honesty, and authenticity. 

I’ve had a few clients start new businesses and quit their jobs. Honoring meaningful work, creativity, and determination. 

I’m thinking of a client I had who had a difficult year-- the most difficult year of her life. So much loss and struggle...that time in her life she honored perseverance, self-trust, and optimism. 

So again, what values have you honored over the last decade? Sure, you’ve probably wanted to honor more of them, and maybe didn’t. Don’t dwell on those. Your mind may want to point out all the aspired values you have and didn’t do. That you wanted to be more courageous, that you wanted to focus more on your growth or have more balance in your life. For the sake of this exercise, let that go for now. 

The reason I want you to think of these values, to think about the behaviors you’ve done in the past that have made you proud of who you are, is because those are a key to looking ahead. If you’re proud of the courageous thing you did this year, and thinking about that feeling is gratifying, your next step is to think about how you can get more of that in your life in this year coming up. 

Let me remind you, that it’s typically never about the thing you do or want to do, it’s about the feeling you’ll get from having done it or the experience you’ll have while doing it. For example, when I write books, it’s not about the book. It’s about having written it, the pride I get in having done this BIG thing, and honoring my values along the way. 

Listen to today’s episode to hear more about the next important tool I want you to focus on in the new year, and that’s your self-talk. 

http://yourkickasslife.com/313

 

Direct download: YKAL-313final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

As soon as I met this week’s guest, I knew I had to have her on the podcast. That is why I am thrilled to introduce you to Jessica Graham. She is a spiritual and sexual activist, author of the book, Good Sex: Getting Off without Checking Out, meditation teacher, and sex and intimacy guide. I first met Jessica when we had a chance meeting, in a cab, in Holland. I am so glad that the universe aligned and put us into each other’s orbit. 

At the time of our meeting, I had been feeling the pull to do some inner work around the areas of sex and sexuality. I knew I needed someone to help guide me. Jessica’s message resonated with me, we shared a lot of things in common, and to make a long story short, we’ve been working together since the Spring. She’s my sexuality doula and she’s been enormously helpful.

Today we talk about shame, the messaging we receive as a children about sex and sexuality, and what that all means. We also talk about the common struggle women face when it comes to their feelings around sex. Plus, Jessica shares how the combination of affirmation and mindfulness can help with sex and intimacy. My hope is that our conversation will encourage you to explore inner work around your own sexuality and spiritual awakening. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • About Jessica and her work, and how she is a sex coach who is more than a sex coach (13:00)
  • The struggles and shame around the topic of sex and sexuality (15:36)
  • What brought Jessica to her work as a sexuality, relationship, and self-love guide (19:52)
  • Sexuality inventory: what it is and what’s the purpose (23:00)
  • The most common struggle women face around sexuality and how Jessica helps with the desired outcome (30:00)
  • Why self-compassion is so important to any kind of personal development work (47:00)

Oh and by the way, to celebrate the launch of the new Your Kick-Ass Life website, we’re running a giveaway! It costs zero dollars to enter, we’ve made it ridiculously easy to enter (and you can enter more than once), and all you have to do is click HERE.

http://yourkickasslife.com/312

 

Direct download: YKAL-312final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

When life hands you a bunch of BIG things all at once, they tend to take up a lot of energy, time and capacity in your life. And that’s what I’ve been dealing with lately. I even contemplated taking a break from the podcast this week, but then decided to just turn on the mic and talk about everything that is going on. I believe by sharing some of my experiences and how I am working through them is helpful (not only for me), but for you as well. 

Tune in to the episode as I talk about three big things that are happening in my personal and professional life, what I'm doing about self-care, plus the feelings that surround it (read: guilt) and what you can do for YOUR life if you can relate.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • My heartbreaking experience with bringing a rescue dog home
  • Some book proposal news and waiting on a book deal
  • Reflecting on how can you slow down in your life and take a break, guilt-free

http://yourkickasslife.com/311

 

Direct download: YKAL-311final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This week Sydney Williams joins me on the show!  Sydney is a former collegiate athlete and competitive skydiver (and it was news to me this is a competitive sport!) who unexpectedly found herself on the receiving end of a Type 2 diabetes diagnosis while grappling with unresolved trauma from a decades-old sexual assault. So what did she do? She set out on a mission to turn her pain into power. Two hikes across Catalina Island and 80 miles later, she founded Hiking My Feelings to help others tap into the mind-body connection and healing power of nature that helped kick her self-limiting beliefs and disease into remission. 

In this episode, Sydney and I had a conversation about enduring hardships, the choices we make in the wake of them, and how we cope and make peace with our pain. We also talked about how Sydney’s hiking trips led her to appreciate her body, as well as, accepting and reversing her Type 2 Diabetes diagnosis. Her story is an incredible one. Our conversation was a beautiful one. I hope you’ll listen. 

In this episode, you’ll hear:

  • What led Sydney to hike the Trans-Catalina Trail, completely unprepared, armed only with delusional self-confidence (5:21)
  • Some of the moments and lessons from her first backpacking trip (12:57)
  • Embracing her body just the way it is and taking deliberate action to make her social media feed a place to find positivity and inspiration (13:50)
  • Her Type 2 Diabetes diagnosis, how she handled it and what she did to reverse it (18:22)
  • What it means to unpack your trauma and how Sydney began to unpack her own following a sexual assault (29:03)
  • One step survivors of trauma can take to start the healing process (40:44)

http://yourkickasslife.com/310

 

Direct download: YKAL-310final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Where were you in November 2009? 

This time ten years ago I had a two-year-old, a newborn, was finishing up my coach training certification and was in the planning stages of launching Your Kick-Ass Life into the Universe. At that time writing books seemed like a far-away dream as I felt I had enough plates spinning (and was dropping more than a few). As I look back on the last ten years, it’s clear that a lot can happen in a decade. 

Yes, I’ve had a lot of success and I’m incredibly grateful for that. But, to be honest, the thing I’m the most grateful for and proud of is the internal growth I’ve done. The mental and emotional growth I’ve intentionally moved through. I couldn’t have had the other successes like writing and publishing books and business growth without doing my own work. 

And I see you. I see you, the woman who listens loyally every week to this podcast, and other personal development podcasts every week. The woman who goes to therapy, who maybe goes to trauma therapy even though she’s had a good week and really doesn’t want to go. Who has that hard conversation with her partner even though she’s afraid. 

The woman who’s taking a closer look at her drinking, or who’s decided to get sober, or stay sober. Who’s kept on going on this personal development journey even though her family teases her about it because they just don’t get it. 

The woman who’s separated or going through a divorce and it’s been the hardest year of her life. And she keeps just putting one foot in front of the other. Who’s struggled with her health or infertility, we see you, we see all of you. 

The woman who’s lost a parent, or a friend, or her beloved pet. 

And no matter what you’re going through, no matter what your year has looked like, I know if you’re listening to this, you ARE on your way, you’re still on your journey to your best life. 

So, this is the last month of the D E C A D E. Let’s take a look back on it. 

Tune into this episode as I ask you powerful questions about where you’ve been, what you’ve learned, and what you want to take with you into the next decade.  There is a special journaling worksheet to accompany this episode too. Be sure to grab yours at the link below!

http://yourkickasslife.com/309

 

Direct download: YKAL-309final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

I am pumped to share today’s episode with you! Partly because it is a coaching session episode, partly because Tracie, the lovely lady I am coaching, is a longtime coaching client of mine, and partly because I was (and still am) fired up about the topic Tracie brought to our session! Oh and I also am doing something I haven’t done in a loooonnng time. All the details are in this episode, so you will have to listen in. 😉 

We’re staring down the barrel at the end of the decade. So what are you declaring for the next decade? Well, for this week’s coaching client, Tracie, she’s grappling with following her heart and soul’s deepest passion - starting a business of her own. And as she inches closer to turning 50-years old this year, she came to me, looking for some help and some answers, to move closer to her goal.

Wanting to follow your heart and your passion, but not taking action, is a topic many can relate. In fact, I see this all the time in my work. There may be something you are yearning to do but are unsure how to get there. Maybe your values are misaligned, your inner critic is holding you back or it’s something else entirely.  In this episode, we explore the things keeping Tracie from moving forward, we discuss the concept of, ‘Sometimes being selfish is okay,’ and we walk through some actions steps Tracie can take to reach her ultimate goal - freedom from a job that she feels is holding her back. 

Know that you CAN be selfish, selfless, give back, and answer the calling of your soul.  Keep that fire lit under your ass and in your heart, ass-kickers. And never, ever forget your why. I hope this episode inspires and motivates you to take the next step in your life. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Tracie’s feeling of being stuck in her job and not making any progress towards what she really wants to do (7:00)
  • Not being aligned with what you want to be doing versus what you are doing (8:00)
  • Tracie’s value around freedom and how she is craving it in her life right now (12:47)
  • Feelings of selfishness and the whole concept of ‘what is selfish was okay?’ (16:00)
  • I give Tracie some assignments so she can start going after what she wants in her career (23:17)
  • Tracie’s kick-ass audio update (36:41)

Resources mentioned in this episode:
You Are a Badass At Making Money, Jen Sincero

Direct download: YKAL-308final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This week I welcome Nicole Whiting to the podcast. She is a “life pacer” who turned to running during a time of tremendous hardship. Instead of retreating and playing the victim, Nicole picked something extraordinary, ultra-running, to help her process and move the difficulties through her body. Now an ultra-runner and life coach, Nicole meets women “where they are” and gets them across the finish line. 

I’ve been looking forward to having Nicole on my show for a long time! I met her in January through a Mastermind group and y’all, she’s kinda stolen my heart. 

In this episode, Nicole and I talk about being out of your league, but still committing to being all in, and Nicole’s experience of moving from survival mode to thriving mode.

I love Nicole’s story so much because so many people have experienced some kind of life altering event and struggle to move past it. Nicole says, “The race starts, when it starts to hurt.” And some might say, the real work (when it comes to personal development) starts when things start to feel hard. Our conversation truly talks to that idea and and how physical movement might be the key to help get you through life’s toughest transitions. 

In this episode, you’ll hear:

  • How and why Nicole got into running and became an ultra-marathoner, plus what ultra-running is (9:51)
  • Nicole’s experience with training and participating in an Iron Man race (12:00)
  • How showing up, even in the face of the unknown, could be a gamechanger and what living life unapologetically means (18:00)
  • The trauma Nicole faced when she was 13 and how it shaped her(21:00)
  • Processing emotion through body movement (25:33)
  • Nicole’s emotional and grueling experience running a 100 mile race, and what she learned from it (26:13)

http://yourkickasslife.com/307

 

Direct download: YKAL-307final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Solo episode for you this week! Today I’m talking about taking breaks, introversion, and becoming comfortable with the uncomfortable. Recently a friend of mine asked me how she could overcome her introversion. And I was like, “Wait, hold up!” Introversion is a character trait, not something to overcome. It is what makes you, you. Overcoming unwanted behaviors like the kind I talk about in my book, How to Stop Feeling Like Shit, yes absolutely.  

Being an introvert, being tall, or having long fingers - those are things you should embrace and never shun away. I go into this further, in this episode. I also talk about being comfortable with the uncomfortable. To sum it up here, life is a series of uncomfortable and awkward events and conversations. Stop waiting for comfortable. 

Humans are ever-evolving (now I’m not trying to act like we’re better than everyone else, but I’m just sayin’ if you listen to my podcast you’re out there doing hard work and probably evolving at a faster rate than those who don’t. I mean… 🤷). And if I know you, I know you love to read personal development books, listen to podcasts, and know you’re taking action on bettering your life. YAY YOU! 

And sometimes you need a break. In this episode you’ll hear me talk about a big break I’ve been taking, what a psychic told me a few weeks ago about this break, and how I feel about taking lots of action and seeing results, and not taking any action at all. (Hint: you’re always exactly where you need to be). 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Someone asked me, “How can I overcome my introversion?” and I share my answer
  • You don’t have to always be ‘moving’ to feel like a productive member of society
  • Why I am such a fan of taking a break and making myself a priority
  • Trust your inner wisdom because she knows what is best for you 
  • My meeting with a psychic and how she called me out 

http://yourkickasslife.com/306

 

Direct download: YKAL-306final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Returning guest, Shannon Kaiser joins me this week on the YKAL podcast. She is the bestselling author of five books on the psychology of happiness and fulfillment, including the #1 bestseller, The Self-Love Experiment and Adventures for Your Soul. Her new book, Joy Seeker: Let Go of What's Holding You Back So You Can Live the Life You Were Made For, is available this week!  It is always a pleasure to talk to this amazing lady. 

Today we talk about joy, spirituality, and authentic living. As you will hear, the underlying message to our conversation is, giving yourself permission to do the things you’ve always wanted to do. We talk about how women can work to trust and believe in themselves, how to live more authentically and how to speak your truth. As Shannon said so perfectly during our time together, “It all comes back to living your life from a place of integrity, a place of truth, and a place of honesty; that is the true joy.”

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • What led Shannon to write Joy Seeker and how her experiences appear throughout it (8:00)
  • Ask yourself, “What have you always wanted to do but have not given yourself permission to do?” (9:00)
  • How women can work to trust and believe in themselves and how we can follow our hearts and our dreams; plus ask yourself, “What dream keeps coming back to you?” (11:00)
  • Being in gratitude and exploring gratitude practices (30:00)
  • How losing what you love most can help you find what you need and honoring your grief (34:00)
  • Letting go of who you think you're supposed to be so you can be who you’re meant to be (39:00)

http://yourkickasslife.com/305

 

Direct download: YKAL-305final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This week on the podcast I have another coaching episode for you. Long-time YKAL community member and Patron, Corrina joins me. She is a working mom from Toronto who needed help with prioritizing time for her own self-care. Here is what I love about this episode, not only is Corrina a loyal listener of the show, our conversation starts out on one topic and ends up going in a different direction. If you’ve listened to some of my past coaching sessions, you’ve come to learn that’s typically how my sessions go. And I love it. 🙌🙌🙌 

Our conversation went from what seemed like a “simple” struggle (and I use the word simple loosely because nothing is ever simple in self-help) and turned to having (or in this case not having) support or help around the household. We discussed partnerships, having hard conversations and how to ask for what you need from your partner, with compassion and gratitude. 

The health of any relationship rests on the reciprocity of love, trust, and the work it takes to create a household. Corrina and I explore this topic together and come up with a possible solution to her current struggles.  As you will hear, Corrina learns that prioritizing means reaching out for help so she can make more, “Yes” decisions for her own wellbeing. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Corrina’s struggle with prioritizing and making time for self-care (6:01)
  • Working through her feeling of shame when it comes to taking care of the home (ie: home not in order or clean) (9:00)
  • Realizing that you can’t do all the things, all the time without feeling resentful (9:21)
  • Communicating the severity of the lack of support around the household and having hard conversations with a partner (18:37)
  • Finding the line between realistic and unrealistic expectations and not trusting your own voice (22:06)
  • Acknowledging and leaning into each other’s love languages (33:21)
  • Telling your partner what you want and need from your relationship with compassion and gratitude (36:00)

http://yourkickasslife.com/304

 

Direct download: YKAL-304final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

💥Special announcement, ass kickers! Amy Smith and I are starting a new podcast that will focus on hilarious stories, PLUS answering your burning questions! You’ll hear more about it in the intro to this episode, and you can ask your questions HERE. 💥

This week I welcome back returning guest, Erin Stutland! Erin is a renowned author and mind-body wellness expert and the host and life-style coach of Z Living’s cable series, Altar’d. I reference her work often and I am thrilled to have her back to talk about her book, Mantras in Motion

We live in a culture where we spend a lot of time in our own heads. And while it’s comfortable there, it can hold us back. Today Erin describes how movement in our bodies can lead to inspired action and movement in our lives. We talk about how her work and her book help clear out beliefs holding you back and what it means to move well. 

We also explore the topic of our “own brands of existence,” (aka: the inner critic), and some ways to move away from them. While the whole concept of getting into our bodies, out of our heads, and moving can seem foreign, Erin introduces us to it in such a way that it makes sense and is easy to implement. It’s time to move. 💃

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • The catalyst for writing her book, Mantras in Motion, and what readers can expect from it (9:00)
  • The purpose for combining movement with mantras and helping people reconnect to their bodies; and what the movement might actually look like (11:27)
  • Some ways we can get out of our head and get connected with our bodies (18:00)
  • How movement in your body can create movement in your life (24:16)
  • What Erin means when she uses the word resistance and some ways to move forward from it (25:13)

http://yourkickasslife.com/303

 

Direct download: YKAL-303final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This week I welcome Chase Chewning to the YKAL podcast. Chase is the creator of the platform Ever Forward and host of the podcast Ever Forward Radio. I’ve been on his podcast twice and y’all, he is an amazing host who is doing phenomenal things in the wellness industry (and wait until you hear his radio voice. Just wait). Today we take on big topics such as mental health, the revolution in masculinity and moving ever forward no matter the circumstance. 

Chase shares openly with me the physical, emotional, and spiritual trauma he experienced following a serious hip injury, which led to being medically discharged from the military and having to learn to walk again. And like many of the conversations I have with my guests, ours shifted to topics I did not expect but am so glad they did. 

We discussed the stories men (and women) sometimes make up about what it means to be a man (as in hiding one’s emotions) and how a revolution in masculinity is flipping those stories on their heads. As Chase so eloquently stated, “Every area of your life will be significantly better once you get honest, look inside, and allow yourself to feel.” Yes,  we got a bit deep, philosophical, and real in this episode. But as you’ll hear at the top of the show, it’s important to be the person you were meant to be. This episode is a perfect example of Chase and I, doing just that. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • The physical, emotional, and spiritual trauma Chase experienced following medical discharge from the military due to a hip injury and having to learn to walk again (11:00)
  • Internal and external healing: who and what was most helpful to Chase (emotionally and physically) during his journey (19:00)
  • Chase on the revolution in masculinity and the importance of women being present with a man while he shares his deepest and darkest fears (27:00)
  • Coming to our own conclusions about religion and spirituality (35:00)
  • Chase’s mantra, Ever Forward: what it means and why it matters so much to him (47:09)

http://yourkickasslife.com/302

 

Direct download: YKAL-302final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

I have such a great episode for you this week with my guest Sonya Renee Taylor. Sonya is an author, poet, spoken word artist, speaker, humanitarian, social justice activist, educator, and founder of The Body is Not An Apology. Today, we are talking all about radical self-love, body empowerment and how both can be a foundational tool for global transformation. 

When it comes to self-love, especially in the personal development space, it can be made to look easy, light, and fluffy. But as you’ll hear in this episode, Sonya believes, “Nothing grows without discomfort.” 100%, yes!  Radical self-love requires us to challenge our deeply held beliefs which are keeping us locked in systems of status quo and latency. True radical self-love can help you see the world in a different way and help you shift it too. 

We also talk about body shaming, meta-shame and even a unique and affirming way to spread body empowerment among friends; which can move mountains y’all! I know I say this often, but I truly am excited to share with you my conversation with Sonya Renee Taylor.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Sonya’s journey and the path that led her to be recognized as a change agent (6:28)
  • How radical self-love and body empowerment are foundational tools for social justice and global transformation (9:16)
  • Sonya’s definition of radical self-love and why we need it (11:27)
  • Body shaming, what it is, who does it and some ways to overcome it; plus one unique and affirming way to spread body empowerment among friends (17:00)
  • The body positivity movement: where it started, why Sonya thinks it’s a “nice white lady,” and ways in which it can be harmful (26:00:
  • Bad Picture Monday - what it is and how to find it on Instagram (32:00)

http://yourkickasslife.com/301

 

Direct download: YKAL-301final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

As you may have heard (since I’ve been talking about it almost non-stop here), I’m still writing my book proposal for my third book. Book proposals are a slightly complicated, gigantic document that contains the summary of your book, who the book is for, and what magic fairies you’re going to conjure to help you sell the book. 

It contains other things too, but my point is, the way I describe writing book proposals is it’s like that school project you have that is enormously time-consuming, super boring, a metric shit-ton of work, and 99% of your grade is riding on it. Oh, and the class it’s for is the Big Enchilada Important Class. No big deal. 

As I’ve also mentioned before, this book will be slightly different than my first two. Still self-helpy, but it will have an edge. More opinionated. More in tune with what’s going on culturally and politically. 

And all of this is scary for me, as this entire year has been about healing, moving through all sorts of old shit, and leveling up. 

One of the things I’ve done to help myself is writing a letter to fear. Elizabeth Gilbert talks about this and I decided if it’s good enough for Liz, it’s good enough for me! 

In this week’s episode you’ll hear a few other things I’ve done to move through this time in my professional (and personal) life, and here is my letter to fear…

Dear Fear, 

I’m not sure why I’m addressing you as “dear”, as you’re hardly dear to me in the least. 

Let me start with some compassion since you don’t necessarily deserve to be yelled at, berated, or chastised. So, I get it. I get why you’re doing what you’re doing. You know, or at least are very certain, that if I write a BIG book, (and by “BIG”, I mean with lots of opinions, and “with lots of opinions” I mean opinions that millions of women and men also have the same opinions. Oh, the irony) there is a HUGE risk involved. 

What if people disagree and write mean things about me on the internet? What if I don’t know enough about the topics and I’m criticized for that? 

But, I think the thing that scares you the most, is not bad reviews or haters...but the success of this book. With HTSFLS doing so well, this book has big shoes to fill. And by big shoes, I mean 100,000 copies in 16 months. A big book advance to PROVE how worthy my creativity is. Numbers have weight and there are so many numbers to contend with. To you, Fear, big numbers equal everything good and right in my life. 

There are so many what if’s and OMG’s and expectations. I understand your job is to know these backward and forward. To yell “WATCH OUT” at every turn, every second, and I believe your goal is to convince me to write a book that is so incredibly vanilla that it will be agreeable to all, or if you really had your wish, I just wouldn’t write another book at all. We’d just leave the party of authorhood with HTSFLS, blowing kisses to everyone and call it a day. 

I understand that you are convinced this risk is equivalent to my possible death-- playing Russian Roulette with the general public. That any failure of this book will not only result in public humiliation but will be my death. Death from starvation, or being stoned to death by my haters, or death by massive shame. Or maybe all three. 

Trust me, I feel all of this in my marrow. Every day as I sat down to write the proposal for this book I hear you and feel you. I wring my hands and I worry. I make the anguished emoji face. I get GI issues. 

So, we’re going to make a deal. You and me, fear. But, I need to tell you first that while I get you and see your job and even respect and admire your tenacity for doing said job, I have got this. 

If you remember, I used to sit in my room for hours writing stories from the age of 9. This continued well into my teens and then for a decade or so I stopped writing because I lost myself, (but that’s a letter for another day), but when I picked up writing again it poured out of me. And for years this happened and then I wrote my first book. I actually did it, fear, do you remember? You were there so much during that time. We wrestled, you pushed, I pushed back and in the end, I did it. And we didn’t die-- in fact, it ended up being fantastic, so fantastic I did it again. And like the good worker you are-- always diligently showing up for your shift, on time, with your uniform clean and pressed, you came back that time and we made it through yet again. And that book was fantastic too. Even more so to me because I understood so much more about the creative process, the publishing journey, about myself, and about you. 

I have got this because so many times I write things that I don’t remember. God is writing through me, she knows what needs to be said, and she whispers it to me. And when you’re yelling, it makes it hard for her to be heard. Ya, ya, I know you’re doing your job and I’ll get to our deal in a minute, but I need you to understand just how much I have got this. 

This is important. This book wants and needs to be written. There are women out there of all ages who need this clarity, stories, advice, and my sense of humor to reach the next level in their life. They have their own fear that’s putting the breaks on and listen, Fear, we can have none of that. These women are trying to do incredible things, live better lives, be influences on other women. And they can’t do that if you’re in the way and yelling so loud. 

So, back to our deal. I’m not banishing you or burning you at the stake. You can stay, but if you stay, we have to enlist some boundaries. First and foremost, I am in charge. The boss. The big kahuna. If it’s any consolation, seriously, remember this is our third time at this rodeo. I am fully equipped to be in the driver's seat. 

Second, since you have permission to come along, there needs to be rules around that. No blabbering, no worst-case-scenario, no comparison to my previous writing or to other authors. In other words, I need you to maybe AT MOST whisper your worries when absolutely necessary. I promise I’ll acknowledge you. 

You can’t be in charge fear, that’s the bottom line. I call all the shots and my voice is the loudest, the most important, and the most loving. It has to be. We may need to have future meetings once in a while and that’s fine if you need to give me all the warnings. I’ll hear you out. But, that’s it. 

Deal? Deal. 

Oh, and thanks for keeping me safe all those other times, you know when I legitimately could have died. You’re the best for that. 

http://yourkickasslife.com/300

 

Direct download: YKAL-300final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Charlie Gilkey is back on the YKAL podcast this week, this time to talk about productivity with a twist. So many listeners offered such great feedback when he joined me on the podcast the first time around, that I knew I had to bring him back. For those of you new to Charlie, he is the founder of Productive Flourishing and the author of the new book, Start Finishing: How to Go From Idea to Done. Charlie helps people finish the stuff that matters. I mean, come on, we all could use a little bit of that in our lives, am I right? 

In this latest book, Charlie walks readers through some different perspectives around getting shit done, which we talk about in this episode. We touch on topics such as perfectionism and how it’s holding you back from reaching your goals, what to do when the naysayers or derailers don’t believe in your projects, and how to get motivated for a task you are dreading. Plus we talk understanding that you have moments of choice and how changing the way you talk to yourself (and about yourself) can change your life. This is a no-holds-barred conversation on productivity because quite honestly, it’s time to start finishing

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Why Start Finishing is different from other books on productivity (7:06)
  • What to do when others don’t believe in your projects or ideas (20:00)
  • How to get motivated to do the work you are dreading and what “confetti time” is (30:00)
  • Fixing the load you are carrying so you can fix the overwhelm (35:04)
  • Understanding you have moments of choice, changing your language and why it matters (39:00)

http://yourkickasslife.com/299

 

Direct download: YKAL-299final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

We like the idea of hiring a life coach, the idea of listening to all the podcasts, the idea of reading all the books and then, many times we don’t actually do the personal development work. Yes, doing this kind of what I call “passive learning” does matter. You are getting it in between your ears (better than your inner-critic!). But, there does come a time when action needs to happen. This week I have another YKAL Coaching episode for you. And Marisa, whom I coach in this episode, is a perfect example of someone doing the work

Let’s get into this week’s coaching session. Meet Marisa, a new entrepreneur and recruiting agency employee from North Carolina. She came to me because she wanted to learn how to slow down, which we talk about in this episode. But like many coaching sessions, our conversation took a turn. We turned to the topic of values, including the difference between perfectionism and striving for excellence, as well as, Marisa’s values around integrity and patience. And then the conversation zig-zagged to the topic of triggers around feedback and how her mother, starting from a young age, has been the source of that trigger. This is big stuff, y’all and I am so honored that Marisa opened up and was vulnerable in this way. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Being okay with slowing down and getting into the mindset that when you are building a business, it’s okay to pause (6:10)
  • Wanting a better perspective and clarity around why she launched her business and keeping the entrepreneur fire lit (7:58)
  • Exploring Marisa’s value around patience and the realization that she isn’t giving herself the same love she gives others in that arena (10:00)
  • There’s a difference between perfectionism and striving for excellence (12:45)
  • Self-fulfillment and living a life that honors her true, ‘why’. (19:00)
  • How to have a hard and honest conversation with a loved one, and how the health of personal relationships is bigger than we realize (24:00)
  • A super kick-ass update from Marisa and how she’s been doing the work (46:30)

http://yourkickasslife.com/298

 

Direct download: YKAL-298final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This week’s guest is going to knock your socks off, y’all. Kara Loewentheil is Master Certified Coach who has pivoted her law career into a life coaching business, using her background in feminism theory to help women get the patriarchy out of their brains.  Kara is also the host of the podcast, Unf*ck Your Brain and simply a stunning individual. 

In today’s episode we talk all about the social messaging we receive as women and how this messaging plays into our own self-critical thoughts. Kara also talks about the work she does with women to undo the process and help them to think about themselves the way they want to. I’ve been looking forward to introducing you to Kara and I hope you enjoy our conversation. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • The reason women’s inner critic or not feeling good is a direct result of the patriarchy (6:00)
  • You can’t suddenly be nicer to yourself (aka inner critic work) (10:30)
  • How Kara addresses thought work and those who have experienced trauma and why thought work is so personal (14:56)
  • “Believing harder” when it comes to self-confidence and overcoming insecurity (19:50)
  • There’s a disconnect between women taking action to get the things they really want and what is keeping them stuck (25:10)
  • Beauty standards, diet culture and Kara’s commentary about it all (31:19)

http://yourkickasslife.com/297

 

Direct download: YKAL-297final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

I am delighted for this week’s episode; for two reasons. First, we are back with an episode of Conversations About Shit That Matters with Unqualified People. And second, the unqualified person joining me is none other than my bestie, Amy E. Smith. If this your first time hearing her, I know you will love her. And if this isn’t the first time hearing Amy, well, welcome back!  This week, we’re talking all about money. 

Everyone’s experience is different when it comes to money. Our stories vary, our circumstances might be different, but so many of us struggle in the same areas when it comes to money and our emotions. Amy has been on her own money journey for some time now and she even influenced me, gave me pause and helped me realize that I had a lot of money issues I needed to work on too. In this conversation, we share some of our own experiences with money, as well as some tips and tools with doing the work around money. We hope our conversation is hugely eye-opening and helpful. Let’s get on with it! 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Why we think women have a unique perspective around money hang-ups (6:06)
  • Unpacking our money stories and our relationships with it (8:01)
  • Doing the work and shifting our perspective about money (18:00)
  • Comparing money and income to others and trying to make others comfortable with your circumstances, plus some other money hangups we are still working on today (35:00)
  • We also share some of our most elaborate money dreams (45:00)

http://yourkickasslife.com/296

 

Direct download: YKAL-296final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Raise your hand if you said yes to something you really didn’t want to do. And in doing so, you are saying no to something you actually WANT to do. It’s another exciting day here over YKAL headquarters, because it’s another coaching session episode. 🎉I really enjoy sharing these episodes and I hope you enjoy them too! This week I speak with Colleen, a professional dog walker, who wants to work through saying ‘No’ and putting herself first. I’m sure you’ll be able to relate to what Colleen is struggling with. 

Sometimes in your life you do have sacrifice in order to survive, which was Colleen’s case. But once you make it, it’s time to enjoy and make sure you are putting yourself first.  When you are learning to say ‘No’, realize you are unlearning decades of conditioning. And this can be hard y’all. But at the end of the day, your life, your health matters. So, the hard work matters too.  And that’s what Colleen and I dig into this YKAL coaching session. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Colleen’s struggle with tremendous guilt when saying ‘No’ to her customers (4:58)
  • Anytime we are saying ‘No’ to something, we are saying ‘Yes’ to something else (7:46)
  • Colleen’s lists of core beliefs when it comes to saying ‘No’ and then challenging them (10:58)
  • What core beliefs are and where they stem from (17:46)
  • Negativity bias, shifting your focus and finding positive examples of people who set boundaries (19:42)
  • A kick-ass update from Colleen following our coaching session (46:19)

http://yourkickasslife.com/295

 

Direct download: YKAL-295final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

To finish up the summer archived episodes run, I bring to you my conversation with Kate Courageous. This episode originally aired in May of last year - but the content is very much still applicable today! If you already heard it, it is worth listening to again. Kate is a dear friend of mine, as well, and I am thrilled that I can share this episode with you again, as it includes her thoughts on fear, courage, and the inner-critic.  

Kate is also the author of The Courage Habit: How to Accept Your Fears, Release the Past, and Live Your Courageous Life.  I am so happy her book is available! Today, we cover the brain science behind courage habits, and identifying and then dealing with habits that are holding you back.  

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Four fear patterns that get people stuck 
  • Some ways we try to deal with fear 
  • The more you go into the things you fear, the wider your comfort zone becomes 
  • Reaching out and creating a community, courage-based values, and being vulnerable 
  • Fear is a wound and needs understanding and how to strike a balance with fear 

http://yourkickasslife.com/294

 

Direct download: YKAL-294final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

We are back this week with another archived episode that is from a long time ago. In it, my friend and associate Amy Ahlers, author of, Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves and Reform Your Inner Mean Girl, talks about all things inner mean girl (aka inner critic)! 

Since the original airing of this episode, I have really gotten to know Amy. She has so much experience and tenure in the personal development industry, this woman knows her stuff, so I am happy to re-share this episode with you. 

We all love formulas and processes, right? Well, Amy has come up with a 3-step process for transforming your inner mean girl, which she talks about in the episode. 

In this episode, you’ll also hear:

  • What exactly is inner-wisdom and what to do if we don’t know where to start when it comes to listening to it. 
  • I ask Amy what is the most common big fat lie women tell themselves. (The answer doesn’t surprise me at all!) 
  • Amy tells us what her biggest trigger is and what are the steps she actually takes to manage her own inner mean girl.
  • I ask Amy about a blog post she wrote, “Is Your Need to Belong Sabotaging You?” and what do we do when we find ourselves changing who we are just to fit in and belong

I love that Amy and I have so much of a similar philosophy about the inner-critic and I hope this episode is helpful to you! 

http://yourkickasslife.com/293

 

Direct download: YKAL-293final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Hey Ass Kickers! I hope you are having a happy summer. This week on the podcast, Rebekah “Bex” Borucki is back! For those of you who are new to Rebekah, she is a mother of five, TV host, a meditation and yoga guide, and, a birth Doula. She is also the author of two books, You Have 4 Minutes to Change Your Life and her newest book, Managing the Motherload.  

Rebekah’s mission is to make mental health support and stress management tools accessible to all, especially black and indigenous people of Color, LGBTQ plus folks and other marginalized communities. And I am super pumped to bring my conversation with Rebekah to you today. 

We discuss her new book, including some of the lessons she’s learned over the years from being a mother. But let’s be clear, before you check out of this episode, Rebekah states both in her book and in this episode, Managing the Motherload is not a parenting book. So if you aren’t a parent, today’s episode still applies to you. We discuss topics related to being a parent, but the same topics can be applied to supporting, caring and understanding anyone in your life. For instance, we discuss being a parent of a child that comes out as transgender and unrelated, why bragging can be important for your self-esteem. 

Be sure to tune in until the end to hear how you can enter to win a copy of Rebekah’s book! 

In this episode, you’ll hear:

  • The whole idea behind her Rebekah, Managing the Motherload (8:14)
  • How Rebekah has changed as a mother over the years (12:10)
  • Understanding what really matters and what doesn’t (14:46)
  • We talk about what Rebekah means when she says, “She was a mother before being a woman.” (14:58)
  • The story of Rebekah’s son coming out as a transgender male and some advice from Rebekah for supporting your child who comes out (20:06)
  • Bragging: why it’s important to do so and the best way to brag (31:35)

http://yourkickasslife.com/292

 

Direct download: YKAL-292final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This week I am sharing an archived episode, because ALL of us, including me, need to take a break every now and again. And I vowed to do just that this July. Today, I welcome you to listen to an oldie but goodie, my conversation with long-time friend, master certified life coach and as of this year, my coach, Susan Hyatt! Susan has been coaching for well over a decade and has thousands of fans, including Dr. Martha Beck and Maria Shriver! 

One of the things that has won her many fans is the fact that this woman walks her talk. She’s used coaching techniques to drop 35 pounds, revitalize her marriage and uplevel her career.

We discuss a mishmash of topics including why body issues are holding women back from leading big lives, what we can do right now to make peace with our bodies, and why it’s so important to take big risks!

In this episode, you’ll also hear:

  • Pay gap, not thigh gap: why body concerns are distracting us from our real work.
  • Why you’ll only reap big rewards if you risk something.
  • What's the #1 way to be successful in career and relationships?
  • What does Susan mean when she says “make a scene”?
  • What are the three shame shields?
  • What is the antidote to shame?
  • What's the one thing comes up over and over that stops us from playing big?
  • If you want the best worthiness workshop what should you do?

Susan and I also touch on the necessity of feeling your feelings, even when it’s vulnerable and painful to do so and how to make a scene in your life. The subjects are deep, powerful and real but you’ll laugh along with us too. Enjoy!

http://yourkickasslife.com/291

 

Direct download: YKAL-291.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This week we are back with part two of my coaching session around money with Melanie. The last time we left Melanie, she was going to be diving into some big work around money stories, core beliefs and self-worth. Today we are jumping right back into some big topics around money such as resentment, healing from the patriarchy, and getting to the bottom of unwanted identities. If you missed the first part of our conversation, you definitely want to listen to before checking out today’s episode. 

In this session, Melanie shares how she has been doing with some of the personal development homework assignments I gave her, including what has been working and what she has been resisting (and why). Oh and hey, I would love to know if you are liking these coaching episodes. It’s important for me to know which kind of episodes you love (or don’t), so I can continue to bring you the content you enjoy most! Thank you for joining us for this conclusion of Melanie’s coaching session on self-worth and money issues. 

In this episode, you’ll hear:

  • Melanie shares how the personal development homework went including some resistance she was experiencing (5:06)
  • Dispelling what journaling actually needs to be (5:59)
  • Recognizing comparison issues with others when it comes to money (7:54)
  • Shame as it relates to economic class, plus getting to the bottom of unwanted identities (14:02)
  • Breaking down the belief that women need to be saved when it comes to money (14:46)
  • There’s no such thing as consistency and that’s okay (22:28)
  • Melanie’s hope for the future when it comes to working through issues around self-worth and money (32:10)

http://yourkickasslife.com/290

 

Direct download: YKAL-290final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Hi Ass Kickers! We have another YKAL Coaching session episode this week. We received a lot of great feedback last month when I coached Rachel on the show. I am excited to be back again, this time with a two-part coaching episode featuring Melanie. 

If you can walk away from this culture without having any hangups around money, sex, or body image, you’re a-okay. But that’s the trifecta of women’s issues and most of us are feeling “meh”, or at least trying to do the work to resolve these issues. Such is the case with this week’s client, Melanie; a dog mom, working in the dental industry in Colorado. 

During today’s session, she opens up about some issues she has been having around money, including managing money, self-worth, and her core beliefs about what it means to be wealthy. I am so appreciative of women like Melanie for coming on the podcast and sharing their lives with us. At the end of the day, we are having conversations around the big topics that are hard for all of us. So, thank you, Melanie, for sharing and thank you, ass kickers, for listening.  

In this episode, you’ll hear:

  • Uncovering Melanie’s issues around money (4:40)
  • The role gender plays for Melanie when it comes to money (5:59)
  • How and why self-worth is so tied up with our beliefs about money (6:41)
  • The stories we make up about money and an exercise to help identify when you are making up a story (10:24)

http://yourkickasslife.com/289

 

Direct download: YKAL-289final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This week on the podcast I welcome, Danny-J, an award-winning entrepreneur, keynote speaker, podcast host and storyteller. Danny-J's work can be heard in her weekly show, The Best Life Podcast and can be followed in real time on all the social media platforms. She uses her real "Jerry Springer Life" stories to engage with her audience, teach life lessons and inspire others to rewrite their stories. And y’all, just wait until you hear some of her stories in this episode!  

Danny-J shares her story of teen pregnancy and the decision to place her daughter for adoption, plus she details how she learned she had a biological father and met him many years later as an adult. It is so refreshing to hear honest and open stories of those in the personal development field.  Danny-J shares how she processed everything and made it through to the other side. Plus, we talk about core beliefs and letting go of the ones that no longer serve you, changing negative self-talk and affirmations (are they actually bullshit or not?). Danny-J is totally, “my people” and I am excited to share our conversation with you today. 

In this episode, you’ll hear:

  • Danny-J’s teen pregnancy, the decision to place her child for adoption and reuniting with her many years later (7:13)
  • Knowing when it’s time to rewrite your story and some steps to take to get there (20:04)
  • Affirmations: are they really bullshit and how you may be able to use them, but don’t work by themselves (24:56)
  • Finding the tools that work for you when life gets really messy (31:07)
  • Danny-J’s story of finding out she had biological father, meeting him years later and how it has affected her life, her  identity piece and the world around her (38:14)

http://yourkickasslife.com/288

 

Direct download: YKAL-288final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Today’s podcast episode comes from a podcast listener. She asks: 

I am wondering if you have any strategies for how to help move people to a place of readiness to change?

I have been doing a lot of work on myself over the past two years and am feeling so much better in my life and I notice myself wanting to spread this joy to others and show them they too can feel better!

There is one person in particular in my life who I am very close to who is raising two daughters who I am even closer to. I find it very hard to sit back and watch her suffer due to her lack of skills with dealing with difficult emotions, social anxiety, and control issues. I know she is definitely not ready to change from previous conversations. She immediately shuts down any time someone tries to hold her accountable for her part in problems, uses silent treatment with them, takes no ownership for her actions and shows no awareness that all signs point to her having significant social anxiety. My heart SO wants to help this person. It is more difficult watching the pattern begin to repeat itself in her daughters. 

I know logically that there is nothing I can do because people have to be ready to change. And I have to let go of the attachment that I can "change someone". But I guess I am hopeful there are ways to support someone in moving towards being ready to change. 

How does one gently increase a person’s awareness? 

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been in a situation where you KNOW you can help someone or at least point them in the direction of helping them out. 🙋🙋🙋

I have much to say about this-- the do’s and don’t’s and everything in between. Listen in as I also tell you HOW to say what can be helpful for your friend or loved one, as well as how to take care of yourself. 

http://yourkickasslife.com/287

 

Direct download: YKAL-287final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

I am especially pumped for today's episode because it is the first time I am coaching someone on the podcast. I am so excited! But, before I dive into the content of today’s episode, I wanted to give a crash course in life coaching (for anyone new to the concept) and share how I actually coach my clients.

Traditionally, life coaches act as a guide when working with clients. They ask the right questions or offer clients different perspectives. One important item to note: life coaches don't give advice nor do they give their opinion. The way I work with clients is a mix between life coaching and consulting or advising. Because I've been doing this work for so long and with the same type of woman, I see patterns over and over and over again, which helps me better help those I work with. I also get really curious. You will hear this as you listen to my session with Rachel.

Speaking of Rachel, she is one of my past group coaching participants and kindly agreed to do this special podcast coaching session episode. During the session, we discussed her fear of advancing in her career, which we identified as an upper limit problem (which I KNOW is a common struggle!). We also uncovered a quiet, yet powerful inner voice that says, “Yes, you can do this.” The session is thought-provoking, empowering and engaging. I have been thinking about doing this kind of podcast episode for so long. The day has finally arrived and I hope you enjoy it!

In this episode, you’ll also hear:

  • Uncovering Rachel’s upper limit problem and discussing aspired values (20:04)
  • Explanation of an upper limit problem, what it is and how to address it (24:26)
  • An exercise in talking through the worst case scenario when it comes perceptions by people in the workplace (30:54)
  • Uncovering a quiet yet powerful inner voice or what Rachel refers to as a vibration or wave (42:46)
  • A kick-ass update from Rachel (1:04:04)
Direct download: YKAL-286final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This week’s episode has been a long time coming. It all started back in 2016, following the presidential election. At the time, I realized I needed to take a step back and unlearn a lot of the things that I had learned as a young adult. I needed to look at many important things through a new lens and figure out what I could do with my platform that's helpful to those that follow me. The thing is, if you’re “doing” personal development (whether you’re a student, teacher, or both), the topic of social justice matters. The end.  

I spent a decent amount of time conversing with people, reading, and listening to podcasts about societal justice, the patriarchy, and race relations, all in an attempt to understand, at a deeper level, the world that surrounds me. One of the people I’ve been learning from is Dr. Tee Williams. Dr. Tee is an educator, consultant, and writer residing in Los Angeles. His passion is helping people and organizations transform themselves so that together we can collectively transform the world.

The online world of social justice can be very confusing and overwhelming, am I right?

What can we do?

Who do we learn from?

Where do we start?

What does social justice mean?

And, what does liberation mean?

These words and phrases get thrown around so much. And the reality is, a lot of us don't know what they actually mean or look like. Dr. Tee is here this week to help us sort it out and make sense of it all. And y’all, he teaches with such grace and a great sense of humor. He is a great pleasure, I am sure you will agree!

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • What we can do and why should we do it when it comes to standing up for social justice (6:57)
  • The importance of using your brilliance and critical thinking in the evaluation and the incorporation of information being shared in media, online and in the world around you (10:30)
  • What liberation means, the critical liberation theory, and liberation as a framework and philosophy (15:09)
  • The difference between calling in versus calling out (46:45)
  • Doing the work to come back from saying or doing homophobic, heterosexist or racist comments or acts (47:16)
  • Unpacking feelings of hurt, oppression and injustice so you can learn and move forward (51:26)

http://yourkickasslife.com/285

 

Direct download: YKAL-285final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Hey ass kickers! I'm happy to bring you today’s podcast episode with guest, Kira Sabin. Kira is a positive psychology practitioner and a certified life coach. She is obsessed with having bigger conversations around love and relationships; annnnd, Kira is a real life friend of mine, which means I am EXTRA excited to share this episode with you.

This week we are talking about relationships, Kira’s area of expertise. But wait, even if you aren’t partnered, stick with us. The conversation we're having today doesn't matter if you are partnered or if you are single. This episode is for everyone because all humans are in some kind of relationship and are deserving of love. In this episode we discussed love and what it actually is (or can be), the knowledge that love is for everyone and how to overcome feelings of unworthiness.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • What nobody teaches us about love and why Kira doesn’t believe in love at first sight (7:28)
  • The knowledge that love is for everyone, why many don’t feel worthy of love and how to shift that thinking (14:07)
  • How attached people can be wonderful for their single friends (20:05)
  • Life lessons from Kira: one of Kira’s biggest regrets and the best piece of advice she’s didn’t take and had to learn the hard way (23:56)
  • Family of origin and being taught how you learned to love (32:59)
  • Why the missing piece to relationships is vulnerability (40:02)

http://yourkickasslife.com/284

 

Direct download: YKAL-284final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Hi ass kickers! This solo episode comes from something one of my clients told me about, and it was something I’ve heard from many women in the YKAL community.

My client went to a live event-- a personal development sort of conference/retreat. She went alone, and this particular client is, like many people, massively uncomfortable with vulnerability, but really wants to change and grow, so she did the vulnerable thing by going alone to this event.

The event was all women, and a few hundred there. As the days went on, my client kept noticing people talking about their “a-ha” moments, their breakthroughs, and how their felt their lives shifting.

And my client was feeling...well, not that. It’s not that she didn’t enjoy herself and have many takeaways from the event. But, she fell into comparisonitis.

Listen to the episode as I talk more about what to do if you find yourself comparing your personal development journey to someone else’s.

http://yourkickasslife.com/podcast/283/

Direct download: YKAL_-_283final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This week Dr. Sasha Heinz is hanging out with me on the podcast. And as usual, I am super excited! I can’t help it, y’all-- I get excited when I get to talk to someone who I know in real life mostly because I CAN’T WAIT to introduce them to YOU.

Sasha is my friend, is very, very smart and talks about all of the things we love to talk about over here at the YKAL headquarters, like negative self-talk and perfectionism. She is a Developmental Psychologist and Life Coach, is an expert in Positive Psychology, lasting behavioral change, and the science of getting unstuck.

In today’s episode we talk about being deliberate with our thinking and how doing so has an effect on our emotions. We also talk about negative emotions and how we can have either gratuitous negative emotions or instructive negative emotions (and what that all means, plus what I call them instead of “negative” emotions). And we also tackle the million dollar question, “How can someone get to a place of worthiness, of feeling worthy?”

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • What positive psychology means and how it got started (5:22)
  • Being deliberate about your thinking so that your emotions are moving you toward the life you want to be living and who you want to be (15:03)
  • Worthiness and feeling like you are not enough and some steps to help get to a place of worthiness (16:10)
  • The science of happiness and how your circumstances really don't dictate your happiness (30:06)
  • Social media and emotions - why we would all be much happier by deleting our social media feeds (38:40)

http://yourkickasslife.com/282

 

Direct download: YKAL-282final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

I am super excited to bring you this episode for three reasons! First, I have a fun confession at the top of the show. Second, I make an announcement about a new addition to the podcast format and let me tell you, I am soooo excited about it. And last, but certainly not least, I am thrilled to share my conversation with Kelly Covert!  

Kelly is the creator of In Her Voice, a podcast for women who are called to do more. Yes, Kelly, yes! She is also an inner voice coach with a passion for helping women believe and achieve their big vision. I simply love this woman and I have no doubt you will too.

In today’s episode, you’ll hear Kelly and I talk about inner voice coaching and what it is. Plus, we talk about the importance of taking up space in the world as a woman, which in a nutshell means deciding you are worthy of sharing your story, your thoughts, and your feelings without fear or regret. Finally, we close out our conversation on the topic of inspired potential and how tapping into it is not about having to live up to something, but instead it is about something that you live into. Kelly offers so much wisdom and insight into connecting with your inner voice. I loved our conversation and I hope you do too!

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • What inner voice coaching is and how someone can become more connected to their own voice of truth (6:08)
  • How to start a practice of quieting your negative self talk and tune into your inner voice (7:49)
  • Taking up space in the world and some small steps that people can take towards doing so (18:38)
  • Inspired potential, what it is and why it’s so important (37:36)

http://yourkickasslife.com/281

 

 

Direct download: YKAL-281final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

It’s May y’all, I just come alive in the springtime! I am equally excited to bring you my conversation with Jeanette LeBlanc, writer and author of the book, “You Are Not Too Much.” I have followed her work for a while and think she's a brilliant writer. And yes, in this episode we're going to be talking about writing.

Specifically, we talk about writing rituals, how to create one and use it to connect with your story. Plus, we talk about how writing can be transformative and even therapeutic.  If you don't consider yourself a writer, don’t skip this episode. Why? Well, because we also touch on that topic too. I believe that we are all writers in our own right and we all have a story to share. Whether you plan on sharing your story with one person, nobody or millions, writing can be an amazing outlet for creativity and meditation.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Why “I’m not a writer, so nevermind,” doesn’t fly with Jeanette and why helping people that think that way is her passion (5 minutes and 25 seconds)
  • Jeanette shares her journey as a writer including how she wrote herself out of one life and into another (6:06)
  • Free writing, what it is and do people really have a hard time doing it? (11:47)
  • How the act of writing can transform you and change how you show up in the world (27:57)
  • Writing rituals, what they are, what people think they are and how someone can begin a writing ritual to connect with their story (29:16)

http://yourkickasslife.com/280

 

Direct download: YKAL-280final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Hi ass kicker! Happy birthday to Your Kick-Ass Life Podcast! She is SIX YEARS OLD! 🎉🎉🎉To celebrate, over the last few weeks I’ve been taking you through 44 Things I’ve Learned in 44 Years.  If you missed the previous episodes of this list, you can see and listen to part 1 HERE and part 2 HERE. Today’s episode, part 3, will take you through numbers 29-44.

Also, there’s still time to enter the giveaway for a chance to win one of many prizes! You can do that HERE.

So, without further ado, here are 44 Things I’ve Learned in 44 Years:

  1. Cleaning up my own messes is the best way to sleep at night. This means apologizing when I’ve been an asshole and just generally doing my best to fix things I’ve made a mess of.
  2. Taking radical responsibility for my life is the only option.  No one else is responsible for my happiness. No one.
  3. My children don’t define me. I used to think becoming a mother would be my ultimate life purpose. It isn’t. I used to have a lot of guilt and shame about that. But, I don’t anymore.
  4. No relationship will complete me. Not a single one.
  5. “Taking the edge off” really needed to be examined. For me, I was taking off all the edges. And sometimes edges just need to be dealt with.
  6. Many times exercise really is the best medicine.
  7. The voice in my head that tells me I’m not enough is a liar.
  8. Progress, not perfection.
  9. If I listen, my body is usually trying to tell me something.
  10. I only apologize when I really, truly can stand behind it.
  11. There will always be people that don’t like me and it’s not my job to change their minds. (I admit this one is still tough. It’s a one-day-at-a-time lesson.)
  12. My parents did the best they could, with what they had at that time.  And as parents, that’s all we can do.
  13. Forgiveness is more about me, and not them.
  14. Time really doesn’t heal all wounds—I’m in charge of that. Time helps, but being proactive is the catalyst.
  15. All wisdom is created from healed pain
  16. Trying to control everything is my one-way ticket on the crazy train. Sometimes I forget this and get on board.
  17. The comparison trap is basically made-up stories of what I think someone else’s life is like
  18. We’re all scared. We all have fear. The people that say they are fearless are just pretending.
  19. None of us get out of this alive. And in the end, I want to be proud how I lived it.
  20. At your funeral, no one will talk about your failures. So, keep failing until you get it right.
  21. Uncomfortable conversations are always hard. However, that elephant in the room isn’t going anywhere (and takes up a lot of space)—so you might as well call it out.
  22. Most people really are too busy thinking about themselves to be obsessing about you like you think they are.
  23. That person that treats you like shit is a giant invitation to not be around that person, ever.
  24. If you spend time nosing in other people’s business, there’s probably something important in your life you’re purposely avoiding dealing with.
  25. Having an open mind can many times blow your mind.
  26. None of us are broken or need fixing. Improvement, yes.
  27. Whatever you think you are, will be your truth. And you are completely in charge of that, babe.
  28. The moment in an argument that you realize you’re either being unreasonable, that the other person has a point, or that you’re just wrong, is the exact moment it’s time to admit it and apologize.
  29. You may be wishing, hoping, and praying for X, Y, and Z, but are you mentally and emotionally ready for that?
  30. Looking at your relationship with money and working on that can be a game changer financially.
  31. It’s okay to change your mind.
  32. While we all compare ourselves to others, watch out when you’re comparing your beginning to someone else’s middle.
  33. I’m pretty sure in regards to parenting, that I worry 1000 times more about their life than my children are worried about their life. And this is just the thing about parenting.
  34. 3Wear sunscreen on your neck.
  35. Time is more valuable to me than money. Money is infinite, time is finite.
  36. When someone I care about shares something meaningful and I don’t know what to say, the best thing to say is, “I’m not sure exactly what to say right now, but I’m so glad that you told me.”
  37. When someone is being a jerk or cuts me off in traffic, instead of getting angry (which is so easy) I wonder if they’re acting that way because they reeeeeallly need to poop.
  38. Unsolicited advice is the worst advice.
  39. Creativity is your birthright. We’re all creative.
  40. You don’t have to have a morning routine to live your best life.
  41. Your friendships should be a priority (even though I don’t like to “should”.)
  42. Say “sorry” only when it’s truly necessary.
  43. Getting curious can sometimes be the best thing to do.
  44. Take all personal development advice with a grain of salt. ;)

http://yourkickasslife.com/279

 

Direct download: YKAL-279final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Hey ass kickers! Continuing from last week I’ve written 44 Things I’ve Learned in 44 Years and am breaking it up into 3 parts! Part 1 was last week and today is Part 2!

In Part 3 which will air on May 1st, you’ll get the list in its entirety.

And if you haven’t heard, last week was MY BIRTHDAY! 🎉🎉🎉Not only that, but coming up on May 1st, Your Kick-Ass Life Podcast is turning SIX YEARS OLD! To celebrate BOTH birthdays, we’re giving away some prizes. A coaching session with me, gift cards, books, and more! Click HERE to see the prizes and enter to win.

Here’s part 2, and if you missed it, please listen to part 1.

  1. All wisdom is created from healed pain
  2. Trying to control everything is my one-way ticket on the crazy train. Sometimes I forget this and get on board.
  3. The comparison trap is basically made-up stories of what I think someone else’s life is like
  4. We’re all scared. We all have fear. The people that say they are fearless are just pretending.
  5. None of us get out of this alive. And in the end, I want to be proud how I lived it.
  6. At your funeral, no one will talk about your failures. So, keep failing until you get it right.
  7. Uncomfortable conversations are always hard. However, that elephant in the room isn’t going anywhere (and takes up a lot of space)—so you might as well call it out.
  8. Most people really are too busy thinking about themselves to be obsessing about you like you think they are.
  9. That person that treats you like shit is a giant invitation to not be around that person, ever.
  10. If you spend time nosing in other people’s business, there’s probably something important in your life you’re purposely avoiding dealing with.
  11. Having an open mind can many times blow your mind.
  12. None of us are broken or need fixing. Improvement, yes.
  13. Whatever you think you are, will be your truth. And you are completely in charge of that, babe.
  14. The moment in an argument that you realize you’re either being unreasonable, that the other person has a point, or that you’re just wrong, is the exact moment it’s time to admit it and apologize.

This is just the beginning! Stay tuned for next week when you’ll hear Part 3 which is the podcast’s birthday! 🎊🎊🎊

http://yourkickasslife.com/278

 

Direct download: YKAL-278final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Hey ass kickers! Guess what? It’s MY BIRTHDAY! 🎉🎉🎉 In celebration, you’re getting the podcast episode a couple days early AND we’re doing a GIVEAWAY!

Not only is it my birthday today, but coming up on May 1st, Your Kick-Ass Life Podcast is turning SIX YEARS OLD! To celebrate BOTH birthdays, we’re giving away some prizes. A coaching session with me, gift cards, books, and more! Click HERE to see the prizes and enter to win.

I’ve written 44 Things I’ve Learned in 44 Years and will be breaking it up into 3 parts, because obviously I want to talk to about all the 44 things! In Part 3 which will air on May 1st, you’ll get the list in its entirety.

  1. Cleaning up my own messes is the best way to sleep at night. This means apologizing when I’ve been an asshole and just generally doing my best to fix things I’ve made a mess of.
  2. Taking radical responsibility for my life is the only option.  No one else is responsible for my happiness. No one.
  3. My children don’t define me. I used to think becoming a mother would be my ultimate life purpose. It isn’t. I used to have a lot of guilt and shame about that. But, I don’t anymore.
  4. No relationship will complete me. Not a single one.
  5. “Taking the edge off” really needed to be examined. For me, I was taking off all the edges. And sometimes edges just need to be dealt with.
  6. Many times exercise really is the best medicine.
  7. The voice in my head that tells me I’m not enough is a liar.
  8. Progress, not perfection.
  9. If I listen, my body is usually trying to tell me something.
  10. I only apologize when I really, truly can stand behind it.
  11. There will always be people that don’t like me and it’s not my job to change their minds. (I admit this one is still tough. It’s a one-day-at-a-time lesson.)
  12. My parents did the best they could, with what they had at that time.  And as parents, that’s all we can do.
  13. Forgiveness is more about me, and not them.
  14. Time really doesn’t heal all wounds—I’m in charge of that. Time helps, but being proactive is the catalyst.

This is just the beginning! Stay tuned for next week when you’ll hear Part 2, and then on May 1st (the podcasts birthday!) you’ll get part 3!

http://yourkickasslife.com/277

 

Direct download: YKAL-277final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Well, hello there, ass kickers! I’m ESPECIALLY excited about today’s episode because it’s an episode that truly came from the fire in my heart. After a client session, I sat down, turned on the mic, and birthed a talk I think you’ll love. Special thanks to Kelly, who was open enough for me to use her session topic for this episode.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Kelly’s struggle with building self-trust and putting yourself out there
  • Why there is no step-by-step process for building self-trust - whomp, whomp! But there is a way to gain self-trust (and its sister, self-confidence)
  • What the ONE JOB is of your inner-critic
  • Listening to your intuition vs. your inner-critic and stepping out of your comfort zone
  • The importance of pursuing what makes you happy even if it seems impractical

And if you loved this episode, you may want to check out working with me 1:1. There are three ways to do so:

  1. My longer, deeper work that focuses on curriculum stemmed from all of my training, including The Daring Way™ (methodology from Brené Brown’s research) click HERE.
  2. A shorter package that packs a punch-- these sessions are all open. In other words, no curriculum. YOU pick your primary focus and we dive in). Click HERE for that.
  3. Last, you can book a VIP Day, where I can come to you, or we can meet at an agreed upon destination. Click HERE to hang out with me during a VIP Day.

http://yourkickasslife.com/276

 

Direct download: YKAL-276final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

You might be going through a really tough season in your life. You might be in that near desperate or full-on desperate place of wanting your situation to change.

Maybe you’re going through a really hard break up. Or you hate your job. Or someone at work is a nightmare. Or your partner’s ex is making life hell for you.

Many times, there’s no ANSWER or SOLUTION that will change how you feel or the situation you are in. You may know the tools, you may have the support, maybe you’ve done therapy and your year has just SUCKED. It’s continuing to suck and it feels like there’s no end in sight.

The answer, the solution is that you have to just persevere.

I have so much more to say on this, so if this is you or you know someone who is in this place (or you suspect you might be in this spot one day), this is for you.

Also, I have two spots for 1:1 coaching right now, if you want to read about my longer package, you can click here, or a VIP Day is here.

http://yourkickasslife.com/275

 

Direct download: YKAL-275final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Okay y'all, this week’s guest, Cornell Thomas, is my new best friend. Seriously. He is also the perfect example of turning a loss into a win. One week before accomplishing his dream of playing professional basketball, he suffered a career ending injury. And rather than stay in, “Why me?” mode, he turned his attention to, “What now?,” instead. Today Cornell is a global speaker, multiple title author, mindset coach, corporate trainer, and social entrepreneur. And you know what else he is? He is funny, endearing and passionate about fostering a positive mindset to overcome adversity. I absolutely adore him and I know you will too.

In this episode Cornell shares so poignantly his story of adversity and how he overcame it. He also provides some insight and advice to those who may be facing their own internal or external battles. Midway through the episode, Cornell and I both get fired up about writing and putting your story to paper. Just do it!  We go on to talk about being resilient and how to actually practice resilience when a storm comes and knocks you on your ass. Finally, Cornell reminds us why gratitude is always the answer. Yes life is hard, but this episode is a reminder that you can be resilient and move past adversity with gratitude and grace.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Cornell’s story of adversity and how he turned “Why me?” into “What now?” (9:30)
  • If you have story inside of you, get it out on paper!  (24:08)
  • Saying, “No,” to things you like to, in order to do the things you love (28:42)
  • Some ways to practice resilience in the face of adversity and the importance of weathering life’s “storms” (31:40)
  • Fatigue mindset: what it is, how to overcome it and finding your finish line (35:36)

http://yourkickasslife.com/274

 

Direct download: YKAL-274final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

The first inkling of Spring is in the air and it’s got me pumped! You know what else has me pumped? Starting in April I’ll be rolling out something new over here at YKAL headquarters. If you like the podcast, then I think you will like what I am cooking up. I’m going to start sending short, to the point, “lift your day up” emails. They’ll be informative and kick-ass (obviously). They’ll go out to YKAL subscribers about 2-3 times a month. So, if you want in, you can click HERE to sign up.

Alright, alright, alright, now onto this week’s episode! I welcome the ever lovely, L’Erin Alta. L’Erin is a personal growth facilitator for women. She teaches women how to stand in the brilliance of their own light. CAN I GET A HELL YES!? I followed her online for a long time and I am currently in a year-long program she is teaching. She is so wise and exudes so much peace. I just can’t get enough of her. I know you’ll love her just as much as I do!

In this episode L’Erin and I talk about living your own truth and stepping into your sovereignty (plus what that all means). We also have an insightful conversation about getting comfortable with people being disappointed in you when you break out of your “good girl” shell. Plus, we talk about creating internal boundaries and why they are essential. Our conversation is one about growth, self-acceptance and expanding your curiosity; all without compromising who you were always meant to be.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • What is a sovereign woman and how you can move towards becoming one (6:52)
  • Why we fall into the trap of self-doubt and self-trust (8:14)
  • Shatter points, what are they and what are some turtle steps to take when walking through them (14:16)
  • Some ways to let the “good girl” die and set the world on fire and being comfortable with disappointing people (18:08)
  • Creating healthy internal boundaries are essential, plus some examples (24:14)
  • L’Erin’s routine and rituals that help keep her grounded (30:23)

http://yourkickasslife.com/273

 

Direct download: YKAL-273final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This week I bring to you another conversation about shit that matters with unqualified people. My good friend Ella returns to the podcast to join me in a candid talk about the aging process. Ella is an Inspirational Speaker, a Personal Development Coach and the host of the popular On Air with Ella – a podcast about living better, starting now. She’s also an “IRL” friend, who lives locally to me.

Ella and I are in this awkward and uncomfortable mid-life time in our lives. We know we’re just beginning into this “tipping point” into the aging process (I mean, the part where you see marked changes). This topic is something that comes up in our discussions every once in a while and, I thought it would be good to bring to the YKAL community. Take note, this is not a conversation between two women complaining about aging. I promise.  These episodes are all about the real conversations I have with the women in my life. And serve as a reminder that like you, I don’t have everything figured out either. These episodes are here to help us all think a little bit more critically about life and look at things with a little bit of humor too.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Why conversations about aging are really about acceptance
  • “Aging gracefully” and what we really think of the phrase
  • In the weeds of the aging process and getting to a place of contentment
  • Grappling with the idea of getting Botox or other aesthetics aging treatments
  • The patriarchy, aging and becoming “unfuckable”
  • The gray hair debate and going gray
  • Not throwing in the towel: showing up as vital regardless of age 

http://yourkickasslife.com/272

Direct download: YKAL-272final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This week on the YKAL podcast, I am especially excited to introduce you to my guest, Susan Hyatt.  Susan is a Master Certified Life Coach, weight loss expert and creator of the Bare™ process. And if you ever wondered who coaches me to be my absolute best professionally and even personally - it’s Mrs. Susan Hyatt!  She holds a special place in my heart, plus we go waaaay back.

This week Susan joins me to discuss her new book, BARE, and the seven-step process she outlines to help transform your body, get more energy, feel amazing and become the bravest version of yourself. Yes, Susan, YES! I wholeheartedly agree with everything she has to say in her latest book and cannot wait for you to hear our conversation.  But wait, there’s more! You’ll hear, in this episode, how you can win a free copy of Susan’s book, BARE, plus another bonus giveaway.

In this episode Susan and I talk about diet culture in today’s society and the need for appreciating your body. We also touch on the importance of eating with attentiveness, a new approach to exercise and how to look at clothing in a whole new way. Finally we talk about practicing self-love with bravery and grace and the power to embody who you are without fear or regret - own it!

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • About the diet culture that exists today and the need to appreciate the body you’re in (3:54)
  • Susan’s experience with a coach and the question that changed things for her life (7:51)
  • Power foods and pleasure foods and the importance of eating with attentiveness (14:17)
  • The benefits of exercise and a new approach to exercise (21:47)
  • How to take a new look at your closet and the effect your clothing has on you (26:19)
  • How to detox your mind and talk to yourself with love (29:03)
  • Why it’s hard to stay consistent with healthy habits (36:09)
  • The importance of reshaping your mind and your life and harnessing your energy for things that impact your life (39:01)

http://yourkickasslife.com/271

 

Direct download: YKAL-271final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

If you've read my books, you know I write about the inner critic a lot. In fact,  you can't escape me talking about the inner critic in most of my work. And guess what, this week’s podcast episode is all about the inner critic too. Because the way you speak to yourself, the thoughts that run through your mind and even how you speak about yourself to other people, matters. It matters significantly.

Managing your inner critic was one of the first real tools I learned in my coach training.  It blew my mind that you can actually learn how to manage this voice in your head. And, I’ve come a long way, y’all. A long way. I do want to be clear, managing your inner critic is not about completely eradicating your negative self talk. That’s never going to happen. Sorry, not sorry.

Sometimes when we listen to people on podcasts or we read their self-help books, we can think, ”Well, I'm sure they have it all together. They don’t have these problems anymore. They're so evolved and have kicked their inner critic to the curb.”  I'm here to tell you I still have bouts of anxiety. I still have inner critic spirals. I still have compare and despair issues, at times.

In this episode I share some stories from my own life about where my inner critic shows up and the tools I use to manage. While on the surface it can look like someone has it all together, we’re all doing the work, one day at a time. The good news is this: you can create new neural pathways in your brain, to where you can you catch your inner critic very quickly. Then you don’t have to go down those seemingly never ending spirals of negative self talk, again and again. Got it? Good.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • About the time I found myself in an inner critic spiral at a red light
  • Some ways I manage my inner critic
  • About the Inner critic and how it can show up in relationships
  • The importance of recognizing your triggers

Last thing, if you  haven’t applied to be a part of The Mentorship Masterclass, there’s still time and a handful of spots open? If you’re a woman who’s ready to implement all the tools you hear about on this podcast, have accountability, be guided by me and surrounded by other amazing, kick-ass woman, you need to get your booty over the info page, and if you’re heart is like YES, PLEASE, fill out an application. <3

http://yourkickasslife.com/270

 

Direct download: YKAL-270final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This week on the podcast, I am super pumped to share with you my conversation with Keith McArthur. Keith is the creator of My Instruction Manual, a website, podcast and book series providing high-quality personal development and content. He is also the author of the new book, “Winning Resolutions: Achieve Your Biggest Goals and Wildest Dreams Once and For All.”  I’ve been on Keith’s podcast twice and know him to be an amazing interviewer. This week, y’all, the tables have turned and Keith is my guest!

So back in January, I released an episode called, “New Year New You”, in which I said, loud and clear, that you do not need a morning routine or for that matter, any routine that doesn’t fit your lifestyle. But yet, I also realize that the new year can be overwhelming for many. That’s why I invited Keith to the show to talk about ways to calm the New Year overwhelm, help shift our mindset around goal setting, and share what he knows about our environment and how it can affect goal achieving. Plus, he shares what values, shame and commitment have to do with it all.  

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Why we put so much pressure on ourselves at the start of a new year and how shame comes into play (11:49)
  • Keith’s take on the “New Year, New You” mentality (13:27)
  • The biggest mistake people make when creating a goal or resolution. Plus, some science-based strategies for achieving your biggest, baddest goals (16:19)
  • How an accountability partner can help you with goals and the science behind finding the right accountability partner (25:03)
  • Some ways to get back on track if you lose sight or abandon a goal, hint: think ahead!  (27:43)
  • Taking control of your environment and some ways to structure your environment for goal success (40:34)

Lastly, ummm...why haven’t you applied to be a part of The Mentorship Masterclass? I know many of you have, but if you’re a woman who’s ready to implement all the tools you know and love (well, maybe like), have accountability, be guided by me and surrounded by other amazing, kick-ass woman, you need to get your booty over the info page, and if you’re heart is like YES, PLEASE, fill out an application. <3

http://yourkickasslife.com/269

 

 

Direct download: YKAL-269.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This week on the podcast I have something a little different. I know you like to hear stories from women in the YKAL community once in awhile, so I’ve brought you two of them. You might hear some of yourself in their stories! Both of these women have gone through my signature program, The Mentorship Masterclass, and I hope you’re inspired when you hear what they’ve gained in their lives.

First we hear from Courtney. Courtney has struggled with shame, not even realizing it was such a driving force in her life. Courtney says when she would start to feel good in her life, her mind would automatically wander and take inventory of all the “bad things” she’d done (in psychology this is called “confirmation bias”-- the way we tend to search for or recall information that confirms our core beliefs. And often these core beliefs are negative.) You’ll hear what happened when Courtney was taught the steps of shame resilience and the tools to implement them on the regular.

Honestly, this woman’s transformation brings tears to my eyes. I’ve had the honor to work with her most of 2018, seen the ups and downs of her journey, and her unwavering commitment to her growth-- albeit massively uncomfortable at times. I hope her story gives you hope for your own life as well.

Then we hear from Karissa. Karissa is the type who stays “all up in her head”-- convinced she can think her way through things. Karissa says she was struggling with how to get from point A to point B when it came to personal development. Self-help to her, for a long time, was done through reading all the books and listening to all the podcasts. And as a perfectionist, she was really struggling with where to go next in her journey.

Some of Karissa’s work focused on emotions, more specifically learning tools to walk through and process them, and trusting herself that she would be okay if she just let them ride.

Both of these women share their journey from being a podcast listener and self-help book reader, to diving in deeper. We’re currently accepting applications for the next round of The Mentorship Masterclass, you can read all about it here and apply. I’d love to chat with you to see if it’s for you.

http://yourkickasslife.com/268

 

Direct download: YKAL-268final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This week on the podcast we are talking about consent and some other extremely vulnerable topics with guest, Karen B.K. Chan. Karen is an award-winning sex and emotional literacy educator in Toronto, Canada, with over 20 years of experience. She is trained in creative facilitation, productive thinking and nonviolent communication. I have had Karen on my podcast guest wishlist for such a long time. I was so enthralled with her website. I read ALL.THE.THINGS. she has created, watched her YouTube channel and more.  She is an amazing Emotional Intelligence educator and I'm excited for you to hear our conversation.

In this episode Karen and I talk a lot about emotions, so much emotions y’all. But not only do we talk about emotions, Karen provides insightful advice and information on how to actually deal with emotions, how to feel our feelings and do the work. We also dive into sexual consent; how to navigate it,  how to overcome emotional and social barriers relating to consent and letting go of guilt for creating boundaries around sexual intimacy.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Some ways to better deal with our emotions (8:42)
  • How learning to navigate your feelings can lead to an outlet of creative expression, especially writing (11:24)
  • How to deal with emotions when you are stressed or burnt out (16:01)
  • Being innovative in your personal relationships as it relates to empathy, emotion, human connection and clarity (18:58)
  • Working to decrease unconscious biases in our lives (28:37)
  • Social and emotional barriers to sexual consent and how we can overcome them (37:14)
  • How to let go of guilt for creating boundaries around sexual intimacy or sexual encounters (46:21)

http://yourkickasslife.com/267

 

Direct download: YKAL-267final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Hey there, ass kickers! Solo pod episode today, WHOOP! I start today’s show with a question from one of the amazing supporters over on Patreon (btw, the show is now listener supported! Check it out here.) Erica asks, How can we celebrate our small wins on our self-development journey? Could there be a podcast on different ways we can encourage ourselves to look at how far we have come instead of focusing on our shortcomings?”

Such a great question! I go into 5 or 6 different ways you can do this. Then, it’s off to the main content!

A few weeks ago I was listening to Scene on Radio, an excellent podcast. It was episode 10, in season 3 where it was a man telling a story about his son going to 6th grade and the changes that took place-- I’ll let you listen to it (it’s REALLY good, please go listen to both season 2 and 3).

There was a particular part where Terry Real, psychologist was talking and said something in particular that stopped me, and I had to pause the podcast, and cry. He talks about how children are made to “halve” themselves, to cut off certain parts of themselves (generally speaking for boys, it’s emotions). He talks about a certain age when “the patriarchy hits kids, lands on them, the psychic results can be severe”. He goes on to say, “Now if you read the literature on girls and girls development, that trauma-- and I use that word on purpose-- is traumatic to excise, to cut off half of your humanity, that trauma lands on girls about 11, 12, 13-- the edge of adolescence. That’s when they learn what Carol Gilligan calls ‘the tyranny of the nice and kind’. They learn to over accommodate and resent it. That’s the traditional set up. Fifty years of the women’s movement has changed that for a lot of girls and women, but it’s still part of the culture.”

So, in essence, as we enter puberty, (and btw, he goes on in this episode to talk about how it hits even younger for boys), we learn about how to be. We learn to be nice and kind and accommodating. We learn to put others’ feelings, wants and needs before ours.

Join me in this podcast episode as I explore this more, and ask a series of questions for you to answer about your own life to get the parts of you back that you were conditioned to let go of.

Download the worksheet that accompanies this episode:
http://yourkickasslife.com/266

 

Direct download: YKAL-266final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This week Allana Pratt, relationship intimacy expert, joins me on the podcast. She inspires open-hearted, unapologetic living.  Allana and I go waaay back. She embodies such an amazing energy and has a true intimacy with herself, both of which I truly admire. She is divine.

In this episode Allana and I talk about being vulnerable in relationships, cultivating rich, intimate relationships with ourselves, as well as, listening to our intuition. We also talk about the aging process and some ways we can embrace it with grace and humor.  Plus, we talk about how to better harness our anger and the importance of releasing it in healthy ways.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Cultivating intimate relationships with ourselves and “In To Me I See” (11:00)
  • Lack of trust and vulnerability in relationships: what you can do (12:52)
  • What intimacy looks like for Allana and how she went from “victim to goddess” (19:32)
  • Allana shares some ways to embrace and find humor in the aging process (27:07)
  • Valuing your own self-worth and knowing you are enough (36:28)
  • How to better harness your anger and/or rage (41:50)

http://yourkickasslife.com/265

 

Direct download: YKAL-265final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

I have another great conversation this week, this time with love coach, Nicole Moore. Nicole helps powerful, amazing women find their ideal partner using her signature Love Works Method. Before you dismiss this episode, hang on! This episode is not just for singles.  We talk about love in general. There’s a bunch of wisdom in this episode for singles and those partnered up. I hope you stick around and listen to this amazing conversation with Nicole.  

In this episode Nicole and I talk about rewriting your childhood love story and overcoming love trauma, shifting your awareness around love, and how you can let love in by looking at your mind-body connection. Plus, we dive into an important conversation about self-trust and your emotions, how to know if you’ve settled in a relationship, what “being love” means and the number one thing anyone can do to feel more confident.


In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Nicole’s story of being born into a world of lack of love, healing her own love wounds and what brought Nicole to her work as a love coach  (7 minutes and 32 seconds)
  • Looking for “the one” and being stuck in a story that there is something inherently wrong with you, plus how to rewrite your story (10:29)
  • Standing in an inferno of emotions with self-trust and worthiness (16:02)
  • What stops most people from finding the right romantic partner (18:34)
  • How to know if you settled in a relationship (21:36)
  • What “being love” means and what it has to do with making a relationship work (25:39)
  • Complaints and disagreements with partners: some advice on giving voice to your fears (29:39)

http://yourkickasslife.com/264

 

Direct download: YKAL-264final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Welcome back, ass kickers! This is the first interview episode of 2019 and I am super pumped to share my conversation with Thais Sky. Thais is a truthspeaker, healer, women’s coach and feminist on a heart-led mission to support the seekers, the edge-dwellers, and the "why the heck do I feel so broken” of the world reclaim their sense of belonging by learning how to explore, trust and express themselves unapologetically. Thais is so expressive and downright poetic, as you’ll hear. I loved my conversation with her and I hope you do too.

This week, Thais and I talk about the worthiness wound, what contributes to it, some critical steps to take to reclaim your worth and how healing the worthiness wound is a radical act. We also talk about personal development and how we often hope someone will save us, but it really comes down to doing the work. We also touch on holding the human experience and being capable of navigating through triggers, thoughts and feelings. Lastly, we talk about whiteness, patriarchy,  becoming radicalized and acknowledging that one can be both the oppressor and the oppressed (and how that doesn’t mean you are a bad person).

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • What reclaiming our sense of worthiness truly means 
  • How to begin reclaiming your worth (and how it’s different from cultivating confidence) 
  • Taking on the responsibility of others and hoping someone will save us
  • Healing the “little girl” within (aka inner child work) 
  • What contributes to the worthiness wound, and why we can’t talk about the worthiness wound without talking about whiteness 
  • Acknowledging ableism and fat phobia 

💥💥JOIN ME THIS SPRING! 💥💥

If you’re ready to stop relying on your default coping mechanisms that end up making you feel like shit (isolating, numbing out, perfectionism, comparison, self-sabotage), then check out my signature program, Your Kick-Ass Life Mentorship. If it all resonates, there’s a link to fill out an application (application goes straight to me). Learn new, better coping mechanisms that make you feel proud, confident, and courageous.

http://yourkickasslife.com/263

 

Direct download: YKAL-263final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

I’m about to say something that goes against what you might be hearing from other self-help/motivational speakers/cheerleaders/thought leaders.

You don’t need a morning routine if you don’t want one.

Confession: I haven’t had a regular morning routine in about...well, never.

I know there are self-help books specifically written about this. That scientists with glasses and white lab coats with clipboards have painstakingly studied the human effects of morning routines and found that it helps people Live Their Best Life.

I know there are self-help people out there who have cute names for their lists of things they do in the morning, and keep telling you to get up an hour earlier than your early-rising children or dog, so that you can Live Your Best Life.

I know you might feel like you’re doing it all wrong if you stumble out of bed and reach for your phone and coffee first thing.

I know that the new year is full of NEW YEAR NEW YOU and that your morning routine feels like this *one thing* that you can change that will make 2019 your Best Year Ever.

I know that you have probably made morning commitments in the past like:

  1. Meditating
  2. Working out
  3. Setting intentions
  4. Doing a coffee enerma so you can shit like a beast
  5. Pulling an angel card so you can conjure your spirits and guides to be able to Live Your Best Year and Best Life Ever.

Or maybe it’s just me.

I also know that in the past, I have regularly set my intentions of the day and that worked for a while. And now it looks different. And that I have told you about my morning routines and maybe you felt like if you did it too, you’d be Living Your Best Life.

Here’s the thing: If you get up early and do whatever it is you need to do to set yourself up for the day, and you feel rested enough to do so and aren’t doing it because you think you have to-- if you do these things because it does in fact help you Live Your Best Life, then HELL YES, SISTER!

Or, if you’ve tried a morning routine, and it’s made no significant positive changes in your life, then HELL YES, SISTER. You tried, and meh, it’s not for you.

Or, If just the thought of all that makes you want to go back to bed, then HELL YES, SISTER. It might not be for you either.

What I’m saying is watch out for the NEW YEAR NEW YOU trap that can make you feel like you’re doing it wrong. That can make you feel like you’re missing out, or that you’re not like everybody else. If you’d rather sleep the extra hour or 10 minutes, then sleep.

If you follow someone on social media and you’re comparing your life to theirs, and it kind of seems like their life is too good to be true (it probably is), and it’s all making you feel shitty, then unfollow them.

If they new year makes you feel motivated and inspired, then you do that. If the new year just feels like a new month and you’re just trying to keep your head above water, or you feel like the pace you’re going at is good for now, then you do that.

There’s no right or wrong way to Live Your Best Life.

💥💥JOIN ME THIS SPRING! 💥💥

If you’re ready to stop relying on your default coping mechanisms that end up making you feel like shit (isolating, numbing out, perfectionism, comparison, self-sabotage), then check out my signature program, Your Kick-Ass Life Mentorship. If it all resonates, there’s a link to fill out an application (application goes straight to me). Learn new, better coping mechanisms that make you feel proud, confident, and courageous.

http://yourkickasslife.com/262

 

Direct download: YKAL-262final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

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