Hey there, ass kickers! Solo pod episode today, WHOOP! I start today’s show with a question from one of the amazing supporters over on Patreon (btw, the show is now listener supported! Check it out here.) Erica asks, “How can we celebrate our small wins on our self-development journey? Could there be a podcast on different ways we can encourage ourselves to look at how far we have come instead of focusing on our shortcomings?”

Such a great question! I go into 5 or 6 different ways you can do this. Then, it’s off to the main content!

A few weeks ago I was listening to Scene on Radio, an excellent podcast. It was episode 10, in season 3 where it was a man telling a story about his son going to 6th grade and the changes that took place-- I’ll let you listen to it (it’s REALLY good, please go listen to both season 2 and 3).

There was a particular part where Terry Real, psychologist was talking and said something in particular that stopped me, and I had to pause the podcast, and cry. He talks about how children are made to “halve” themselves, to cut off certain parts of themselves (generally speaking for boys, it’s emotions). He talks about a certain age when “the patriarchy hits kids, lands on them, the psychic results can be severe”. He goes on to say, “Now if you read the literature on girls and girls development, that trauma-- and I use that word on purpose-- is traumatic to excise, to cut off half of your humanity, that trauma lands on girls about 11, 12, 13-- the edge of adolescence. That’s when they learn what Carol Gilligan calls ‘the tyranny of the nice and kind’. They learn to over accommodate and resent it. That’s the traditional set up. Fifty years of the women’s movement has changed that for a lot of girls and women, but it’s still part of the culture.”

So, in essence, as we enter puberty, (and btw, he goes on in this episode to talk about how it hits even younger for boys), we learn about how to be. We learn to be nice and kind and accommodating. We learn to put others’ feelings, wants and needs before ours.

Join me in this podcast episode as I explore this more, and ask a series of questions for you to answer about your own life to get the parts of you back that you were conditioned to let go of.

Download the worksheet that accompanies this episode:
http://yourkickasslife.com/266

This week Allana Pratt, relationship intimacy expert, joins me on the podcast. She inspires open-hearted, unapologetic living.  Allana and I go waaay back. She embodies such an amazing energy and has a true intimacy with herself, both of which I truly admire. She is divine.

In this episode Allana and I talk about being vulnerable in relationships, cultivating rich, intimate relationships with ourselves, as well as, listening to our intuition. We also talk about the aging process and some ways we can embrace it with grace and humor.  Plus, we talk about how to better harness our anger and the importance of releasing it in healthy ways.

In this episode you’ll hear:

• Cultivating intimate relationships with ourselves and “In To Me I See” (11:00)
• Lack of trust and vulnerability in relationships: what you can do (12:52)
• What intimacy looks like for Allana and how she went from “victim to goddess” (19:32)
• Allana shares some ways to embrace and find humor in the aging process (27:07)
• Valuing your own self-worth and knowing you are enough (36:28)
• How to better harness your anger and/or rage (41:50)

http://yourkickasslife.com/265

I have another great conversation this week, this time with love coach, Nicole Moore. Nicole helps powerful, amazing women find their ideal partner using her signature Love Works Method. Before you dismiss this episode, hang on! This episode is not just for singles.  We talk about love in general. There’s a bunch of wisdom in this episode for singles and those partnered up. I hope you stick around and listen to this amazing conversation with Nicole.  

In this episode Nicole and I talk about rewriting your childhood love story and overcoming love trauma, shifting your awareness around love, and how you can let love in by looking at your mind-body connection. Plus, we dive into an important conversation about self-trust and your emotions, how to know if you’ve settled in a relationship, what “being love” means and the number one thing anyone can do to feel more confident.

In this episode you’ll hear:

• Nicole’s story of being born into a world of lack of love, healing her own love wounds and what brought Nicole to her work as a love coach  (7 minutes and 32 seconds)
• Looking for “the one” and being stuck in a story that there is something inherently wrong with you, plus how to rewrite your story (10:29)
• Standing in an inferno of emotions with self-trust and worthiness (16:02)
• What stops most people from finding the right romantic partner (18:34)
• How to know if you settled in a relationship (21:36)
• What “being love” means and what it has to do with making a relationship work (25:39)
• Complaints and disagreements with partners: some advice on giving voice to your fears (29:39)

http://yourkickasslife.com/264

Welcome back, ass kickers! This is the first interview episode of 2019 and I am super pumped to share my conversation with Thais Sky. Thais is a truthspeaker, healer, women’s coach and feminist on a heart-led mission to support the seekers, the edge-dwellers, and the "why the heck do I feel so broken” of the world reclaim their sense of belonging by learning how to explore, trust and express themselves unapologetically. Thais is so expressive and downright poetic, as you’ll hear. I loved my conversation with her and I hope you do too.

This week, Thais and I talk about the worthiness wound, what contributes to it, some critical steps to take to reclaim your worth and how healing the worthiness wound is a radical act. We also talk about personal development and how we often hope someone will save us, but it really comes down to doing the work. We also touch on holding the human experience and being capable of navigating through triggers, thoughts and feelings. Lastly, we talk about whiteness, patriarchy,  becoming radicalized and acknowledging that one can be both the oppressor and the oppressed (and how that doesn’t mean you are a bad person).

In this episode you’ll hear:

• What reclaiming our sense of worthiness truly means 
• How to begin reclaiming your worth (and how it’s different from cultivating confidence) 
• Taking on the responsibility of others and hoping someone will save us
• Healing the “little girl” within (aka inner child work) 
• What contributes to the worthiness wound, and why we can’t talk about the worthiness wound without talking about whiteness 
• Acknowledging ableism and fat phobia 

💥💥JOIN ME THIS SPRING! 💥💥

If you’re ready to stop relying on your default coping mechanisms that end up making you feel like shit (isolating, numbing out, perfectionism, comparison, self-sabotage), then check out my signature program, Your Kick-Ass Life Mentorship. If it all resonates, there’s a link to fill out an application (application goes straight to me). Learn new, better coping mechanisms that make you feel proud, confident, and courageous.

http://yourkickasslife.com/263

I’m about to say something that goes against what you might be hearing from other self-help/motivational speakers/cheerleaders/thought leaders.

You don’t need a morning routine if you don’t want one.

Confession: I haven’t had a regular morning routine in about...well, never.

I know there are self-help books specifically written about this. That scientists with glasses and white lab coats with clipboards have painstakingly studied the human effects of morning routines and found that it helps people Live Their Best Life.

I know there are self-help people out there who have cute names for their lists of things they do in the morning, and keep telling you to get up an hour earlier than your early-rising children or dog, so that you can Live Your Best Life.

I know you might feel like you’re doing it all wrong if you stumble out of bed and reach for your phone and coffee first thing.

I know that the new year is full of NEW YEAR NEW YOU and that your morning routine feels like this *one thing* that you can change that will make 2019 your Best Year Ever.

I know that you have probably made morning commitments in the past like:

1. Meditating
2. Working out
3. Setting intentions
4. Doing a coffee enerma so you can shit like a beast
5. Pulling an angel card so you can conjure your spirits and guides to be able to Live Your Best Year and Best Life Ever.

Or maybe it’s just me.

I also know that in the past, I have regularly set my intentions of the day and that worked for a while. And now it looks different. And that I have told you about my morning routines and maybe you felt like if you did it too, you’d be Living Your Best Life.

Here’s the thing: If you get up early and do whatever it is you need to do to set yourself up for the day, and you feel rested enough to do so and aren’t doing it because you think you have to-- if you do these things because it does in fact help you Live Your Best Life, then HELL YES, SISTER!

Or, if you’ve tried a morning routine, and it’s made no significant positive changes in your life, then HELL YES, SISTER. You tried, and meh, it’s not for you.

Or, If just the thought of all that makes you want to go back to bed, then HELL YES, SISTER. It might not be for you either.

What I’m saying is watch out for the NEW YEAR NEW YOU trap that can make you feel like you’re doing it wrong. That can make you feel like you’re missing out, or that you’re not like everybody else. If you’d rather sleep the extra hour or 10 minutes, then sleep.

If you follow someone on social media and you’re comparing your life to theirs, and it kind of seems like their life is too good to be true (it probably is), and it’s all making you feel shitty, then unfollow them.

If they new year makes you feel motivated and inspired, then you do that. If the new year just feels like a new month and you’re just trying to keep your head above water, or you feel like the pace you’re going at is good for now, then you do that.

There’s no right or wrong way to Live Your Best Life.

💥💥JOIN ME THIS SPRING! 💥💥

If you’re ready to stop relying on your default coping mechanisms that end up making you feel like shit (isolating, numbing out, perfectionism, comparison, self-sabotage), then check out my signature program, Your Kick-Ass Life Mentorship. If it all resonates, there’s a link to fill out an application (application goes straight to me). Learn new, better coping mechanisms that make you feel proud, confident, and courageous.

http://yourkickasslife.com/262