Announcement! Not Another Self-Help Podcast is coming! Amy and I need your personal development questions so hit us up here. Also, we’d be honored if you listened to our first two episodes which drop Friday, January 3rd! 

Two weeks ago was all about looking back on not just 2019, but the entire decade that’s ending. If you haven’t listened to that one, check out episode 309, plus there’s a free journaling PDF.

Let’s start with the basics: values and the way you speak to yourself.

Some people love to have a word of the year, and values work could be married together with that. I talk about values at length in How To Stop Feeling Like Shit, and I’ll give you a crash course here. This will be an important refresher for those of you who’ve done values work before. 

Think about a time in your life where you were proud of yourself. Maybe you took action on something you were afraid to do. Maybe you left a relationship, set a boundary with someone, told someone how you felt or went to a party where you didn’t know anyone. Think of that time. 

What was the value you were honoring then? It might have been courage for being brave enough to do something scary. Or, authenticity for showing up as your best self. Or honesty and integrity for speaking up about something that was important to you. Or, trust for trusting yourself enough to walk away from a situation you know wasn’t good for you. It might be ALL of those things, but what are the values that stand out to you the most? 

I’m thinking of the many clients I’ve had over the last decade and the brave things they’ve done. I had a client who had a strained relationship with her mother, who sat down, planned out everything she wanted to say to her mother and had the talk. Years of resentment, frustration, and hurt came together in a conversation she was proud of. She honored courage, honesty, and authenticity. 

I’ve had a few clients start new businesses and quit their jobs. Honoring meaningful work, creativity, and determination. 

I’m thinking of a client I had who had a difficult year-- the most difficult year of her life. So much loss and struggle...that time in her life she honored perseverance, self-trust, and optimism. 

So again, what values have you honored over the last decade? Sure, you’ve probably wanted to honor more of them, and maybe didn’t. Don’t dwell on those. Your mind may want to point out all the aspired values you have and didn’t do. That you wanted to be more courageous, that you wanted to focus more on your growth or have more balance in your life. For the sake of this exercise, let that go for now. 

The reason I want you to think of these values, to think about the behaviors you’ve done in the past that have made you proud of who you are, is because those are a key to looking ahead. If you’re proud of the courageous thing you did this year, and thinking about that feeling is gratifying, your next step is to think about how you can get more of that in your life in this year coming up. 

Let me remind you, that it’s typically never about the thing you do or want to do, it’s about the feeling you’ll get from having done it or the experience you’ll have while doing it. For example, when I write books, it’s not about the book. It’s about having written it, the pride I get in having done this BIG thing, and honoring my values along the way. 

Listen to today’s episode to hear more about the next important tool I want you to focus on in the new year, and that’s your self-talk. 

http://yourkickasslife.com/313

As soon as I met this week’s guest, I knew I had to have her on the podcast. That is why I am thrilled to introduce you to Jessica Graham. She is a spiritual and sexual activist, author of the book, Good Sex: Getting Off without Checking Out, meditation teacher, and sex and intimacy guide. I first met Jessica when we had a chance meeting, in a cab, in Holland. I am so glad that the universe aligned and put us into each other’s orbit. 

At the time of our meeting, I had been feeling the pull to do some inner work around the areas of sex and sexuality. I knew I needed someone to help guide me. Jessica’s message resonated with me, we shared a lot of things in common, and to make a long story short, we’ve been working together since the Spring. She’s my sexuality doula and she’s been enormously helpful.

Today we talk about shame, the messaging we receive as a children about sex and sexuality, and what that all means. We also talk about the common struggle women face when it comes to their feelings around sex. Plus, Jessica shares how the combination of affirmation and mindfulness can help with sex and intimacy. My hope is that our conversation will encourage you to explore inner work around your own sexuality and spiritual awakening. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

• About Jessica and her work, and how she is a sex coach who is more than a sex coach (13:00)
• The struggles and shame around the topic of sex and sexuality (15:36)
• What brought Jessica to her work as a sexuality, relationship, and self-love guide (19:52)
• Sexuality inventory: what it is and what’s the purpose (23:00)
• The most common struggle women face around sexuality and how Jessica helps with the desired outcome (30:00)
• Why self-compassion is so important to any kind of personal development work (47:00)

Oh and by the way, to celebrate the launch of the new Your Kick-Ass Life website, we’re running a giveaway! It costs zero dollars to enter, we’ve made it ridiculously easy to enter (and you can enter more than once), and all you have to do is click HERE.

http://yourkickasslife.com/312

When life hands you a bunch of BIG things all at once, they tend to take up a lot of energy, time and capacity in your life. And that’s what I’ve been dealing with lately. I even contemplated taking a break from the podcast this week, but then decided to just turn on the mic and talk about everything that is going on. I believe by sharing some of my experiences and how I am working through them is helpful (not only for me), but for you as well. 

Tune in to the episode as I talk about three big things that are happening in my personal and professional life, what I'm doing about self-care, plus the feelings that surround it (read: guilt) and what you can do for YOUR life if you can relate.

In this episode you’ll hear:

• My heartbreaking experience with bringing a rescue dog home
• Some book proposal news and waiting on a book deal
• Reflecting on how can you slow down in your life and take a break, guilt-free

http://yourkickasslife.com/311

This week Sydney Williams joins me on the show!  Sydney is a former collegiate athlete and competitive skydiver (and it was news to me this is a competitive sport!) who unexpectedly found herself on the receiving end of a Type 2 diabetes diagnosis while grappling with unresolved trauma from a decades-old sexual assault. So what did she do? She set out on a mission to turn her pain into power. Two hikes across Catalina Island and 80 miles later, she founded Hiking My Feelings to help others tap into the mind-body connection and healing power of nature that helped kick her self-limiting beliefs and disease into remission. 

In this episode, Sydney and I had a conversation about enduring hardships, the choices we make in the wake of them, and how we cope and make peace with our pain. We also talked about how Sydney’s hiking trips led her to appreciate her body, as well as, accepting and reversing her Type 2 Diabetes diagnosis. Her story is an incredible one. Our conversation was a beautiful one. I hope you’ll listen. 

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• What led Sydney to hike the Trans-Catalina Trail, completely unprepared, armed only with delusional self-confidence (5:21)
• Some of the moments and lessons from her first backpacking trip (12:57)
• Embracing her body just the way it is and taking deliberate action to make her social media feed a place to find positivity and inspiration (13:50)
• Her Type 2 Diabetes diagnosis, how she handled it and what she did to reverse it (18:22)
• What it means to unpack your trauma and how Sydney began to unpack her own following a sexual assault (29:03)
• One step survivors of trauma can take to start the healing process (40:44)

http://yourkickasslife.com/310