Your Kick Ass Life Podcast

How does the enneagram relate to personal development? Well, today we find out. Jessica Denise Dickson is a life empowerment Enneagram coach (and Black mermaid) who believes that when Black women heal, the world heals. She joins me to talk about the enneagram as a transformative tool for personal development. 

I can’t tell you how excited I am about this topic and guest-- as I’ve wanted to have someone on for eons. Today, we discuss what the enneagram is, how it can help you become more self-aware, and help you address your blind spots. We also discuss what the enneagram has to offer during this time of global pandemic and global reckoning with systems of oppression. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • There are a lot of ideas about the enneagram - Jessica breaks down what it is and what it is not. (3:59)
  • How the enneagram can help with self-awareness and empathy. (10:38)
  • Learning your type can be a personal and private experience, as well as, one of validation. (14:20)
  • For systems to change, it comes from doing the work. Jessica shares some information about her course for people who identify as white. (29:31)
  • Enneagram and relationships - there are no rules for making it work between different enneagram types. (37:27)
  • Conflict resolution through the lens of the enneagram. (42:58)

http://yourkickasslife.com/343

 

Direct download: YKAL-343final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This week I am sharing my conversation with Mike Robbins. Mike Robbins is a speaker and author of five books, including, Bring Your Whole Self to Work and We're All in This Together. I had a bunch of questions ready to ask Mike about his newest book. But our conversation went in an entirely different direction. And for that, I am grateful.

In this episode, Mike and I discussed the value and importance of talking about race, white privilege, and why being vulnerable is so important, now more than ever. Being vulnerable forces us to ask of others and of ourselves, “Can I trust you with my time, my space, and my voice?” The world is divided - vulnerability is just one way we can begin to open up to talk about and take action for social justice, equality, and civil change.  

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Mike’s idea and journey for his book, We’re All In This Together. 
  • When he realized we are not all in this together. 
  • Mike’s experience with understanding what white privilege means. 
  • Acknowledging how our conversation is an example of centering whiteness. 
  • One entry point to anti-racism can be helpful is if white people call forward other white people. 
  • The importance of being vulnerable. 

http://yourkickasslife.com/342

 

Direct download: YKAL-342final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This week I have an episode featuring Makenna Held. Makenna is someone who is wise beyond her years. She is a writer, educator, and serial entrepreneur. While she's most known for being ‘the woman who bought Julia Child’s house’, that is one of the least interesting things about her. Her business, personal, and leadership coaching is committed to exploring paradigms of the human condition including liberation, human potential, obliterating capitalism's hold on our souls, and the essence of suffering. 

Today, Makenna and I discuss the inheritance of whiteness by white people and why it is our job, (as white people), to unpack and dismantle it. We also discuss putting the focus on the value you provide to people rather than putting the focus on the value of money, how to begin to dismantle the patriarchy, and sitting with the uncomfortable in with personal growth. This episode is a perfect reminder that it’s never too late to make a change. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • What Makenna means by “Whiteness is a sickness white people carry.” (5:00)
  • Obliterating capitalism's hold on our souls and putting the focus on the value you provide, instead. (12:30)
  • Where to start: dismantling the patriarchy or patriarchal structures. (18:03)
  • Human design and why it is so important for women to trust their intuition. (32:12)
  • How the concepts of cooking tie into personal development. (38:00)

http://yourkickasslife.com/341

 

Direct download: YKAL-341final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Before we jump into this week's episode, I want to direct your attention to what I mention in the first few minutes of the show. If you've followed me for some time, you know that I have a firm belief that as a white person, it's not okay to teach personal development and wellness without addressing and breaking down your own unconscious biases, as well as speaking up about it. No one is free until we are all free and we must use our privilege for good. 
 
I want to make it clear what I believe in both personally and professionally, where I'm at right now, and what's in store here at YKAL. The email I mention that's coming has already been written and you can find it HERE.

Have you ever considered the deeper meaning behind personal development and the self-help industry as a whole? This episode with guest Andréa Ranae is guaranteed to get you thinking (and talking), and what she talks about affects everyone, not just coaches or someone in the self-help industry.

Andréa is a coach herself who wrote a blog post last summer titled, Why the Self-Help Industry Isn’t Changing The World, which went viral and has been shared thousands of times since. She believes there is a disconnect between our own industry and the work of social justice, and even offers a Coaching As Activism Program to her clients.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Why did her post really strike a nerve with coaches and healers alike? (5 minutes and 15 seconds)
  •  The reasons why the work of changing the world doesn’t stop at an individual (8:15)
  • Why the lessons of the Law of Attraction are laden with privilege - if you are not systematically oppressed (8:51)
  • Why focus on your identity but not how we have been impacted by dehumanizing messages about women? (16:39)
  • How limiting beliefs are instilled in you and why you have to “name it to tame it!” (19:46)

As Andréa shares, “do-gooders” of the world often don’t want to bring “politics” and the stuff that’s happening around us into their work, but it’s something we can hide from. Her opinion is that self-love and self-care will not change the world, and I’m interested to hear from you about your thoughts on our conversation!

Direct download: YKAL-340final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Talia Pollock is on the show this week! Talia Pollock is the author of Party In Your Plants, speaker, storyteller, plant-based chef, TV personality, and health and empowerment coach. I was a guest on Talia’s podcast, Party in My Plants, last year. She has a fantastic sense of humor, and we hit off well. Talia has a unique and refreshing approach when it comes to being healthy. 

Today, Talia offers ways to take the hell out of being healthy. In Talia’s words, the world doesn’t need more recipes. Instead, she believes we need more courage, confidence, and boldness to take action and make the right choices for our health.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Healthy eating, yeah, it kind of sucks. Talia offers some ways to take the hell out of being healthy. (7:36)
  • Why energy is the main benefit of eating plants. (15:48)
  • How Talia’s work is intended to help, people thrive outside the kitchen. (17:57)
  • Confidence is the missing piece for executing our healthy lifestyle. (23:49)
  • What surprises Talia the most about the women she works when she takes them through this journey. (29:05)

http://yourkickasslife.com/339

 

Direct download: YKAL-339final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Dr. Samantha Brody, author of Overcoming Overwhelm: Dismantle Your Stress From the Inside Out, is on the show this week. And y’all, who doesn’t deal with overwhelm, right? When she reached out to be on the podcast and told me the title of her book, I thought, “Hell yes, when can we speak?!” Samantha is a licensed naturopathic physician and acupuncturist, and the founder of Evergreen Natural Health Center.

Together we discuss what it means to be overwhelmed, how our values can help reduce overwhelm, and how our subconscious beliefs might be undercutting our goals. Finally, Dr. Samantha shares what food and our food choices have to do with feeling overwhelmed.

In this episode you’ll hear: 

  • What women do to try to combat overwhelm that isn’t working. (7:51)
  • How your values affect overwhelm, how they help you vet your choices, and reduce overwhelm. (9:38)
  • Subconscious beliefs and how they might be derailing your goals. (16:52)
  • The “overwhelm inventory,” what it is and how it helps. (26:21)
  • What food has to do with overwhelm. (31:01)

http://yourkickasslife.com/338

 

Direct download: YKAL-338final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00pm EDT

Alexia Vernon is on the YKAL podcast this week! Alexia is a sought-after speaking and leadership coach to female (and male) executives, entrepreneurs, media personalities, and change makers who want to spread their ideas, positively impact people’s lives, grow their businesses, and advance their thought leadership. Alexia and I have an amazing conversation about visibility and using your voice. I am super pumped to bring you our conversation.

Together we discuss how most problems can be solved with hard conversations. Alexia shares some of her thoughts and advice on how to have tough conversations, what to do when a conversation goes wrong, and how to turn toxic conversations around. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Using communication to move you to take action (7:04)
  • How to find their voice in high-stake situations when there is a lot of fear (11:12)
  • What to do if communication goes wrong (17:54)
  • Alexia’s experience with online bullying during a Facebook ad campaign (25:00)
  • How to turn toxic conversations around with compassion and empathy (41:26)

http://yourkickasslife.com/337

 

Direct download: YKAL-337final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This week I have Cara Alwill Leyba on the show! Cara is a long overdue guest, and I am thrilled to introduce you to her.  She is a New York City-based creative entrepreneur who encourages women to live their most effervescent lives, celebrates themselves every day, and make their happiness a priority. I love having other guest experts on my show with similar messaging who can offer their unique spin. There's always a new perspective, tool, or strategy to learn. 

In this episode, Cara and I discuss some of the ways women can show up for themselves, how to learn from past experiences, and how to give yourself time to daydream. She also reminds us to ask, “What is the best-case scenario?” instead of, “What if I fail?” Last, she shares her perspective on failure: specifically, that failure is a possibility, but why you should do it anyway.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Why choosing yourself is so important (9:00)
  • How Cara actually got to the point of ‘choosing herself’ (10:00)
  • Why women have the capacity to give themselves a permission slip and don’t need to seek approval from others (14:00)
  • Spending as much time with yourself is the best way to get the answer you need (18:00)
  • Viewing rejection as redirection - it’s an opportunity to look at yourself and ask, “How am I going to handle this?” (20:00)
  • Speak kindly to yourself and think optimistically about your dreams (29:25)

Cara Alwill Leyba is a New York City-based creative entrepreneur who encourages women to live their most effervescent lives, celebrate themselves every day, and make their happiness a priority. She is a best selling personal development author, mentor to women entrepreneurs, and creator of The Champagne Diet blog. Over 6 million listeners worldwide tune in to Cara’s podcast Style Your Mind each week for powerful conversations and a mega-dose of inspiration.

Cara is the author of 9 best selling books, including the worldwide sensation Girl Code, that have inspired women around the world to step into their power and fulfill their potential. Cara’s books have been translated into multiple languages like Russian, Chinese, Portuguese, Mongolian, and Vietnamese. Her message continues to transcend cultures and break barriers for women across the globe.

Cara’s stylish and edgy approach to personal development has attracted thousands of women to attend her workshops and events. She has been featured in Forbes, Glamour, Shape, Entrepreneur, Success, Cosmo, Marie Claire, and many others.

Direct download: YKAL-336final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

I don’t very often write about or talk on the podcast specifically to coaches. Personal development is my game, BUT, I know there is a decent amount of you that listen to the podcast as well as those of you who are interested in pursuing this profession.  

First, the world needs more great coaches. This pandemic has whispered in all of our ears how precious and fragile life is, that no one gets out of here alive, and the time to live our lives is NOW. 

Second, many newer coaches might be worried their business isn’t viable right now. You may believe that life coaching is a luxury afforded to few. But, just like there are many ways to coach, there are many ways to offer value and help your clients and audience.    

And before I jump in, we do offer consulting here (both with me and my team), click here if you’re interested

Here are ten things I highly recommend doing if you are in the beginning stages of your coaching business, and many of those hold true even if you’re a seasoned coach. 

  1. Get training. Since the coaching industry is currently unregulated, anyone can call themselves a coach, hang a shingle outside and be open for business. And I know some good coaches who have no training, only years of experience. However, coaching requires specific skills that matter for your clients. Plus, clients tend to bring emotional and heavy topics to sessions, and an untrained coach can end up causing more harm than good. So, please, get trained. 
  2. Get support. Building a coaching business is like building any business, you can’t do it with zero dollars and zero support. I’ve talked to people who’ve got their training and think it’s like moving from one job to another. You just quit your other job and start life coaching, right? No. Coaching is not a business, it’s a skill. You still need to build your practice. You are going to have overhead and need time to build, so have savings, a business loan, or a partner with income that can help (and is clear on the fact that they are supporting your business).
  3. Make goals but be flexible. Like anything, make goals. You don’t necessarily need a traditional “business plan”, but you need something in terms of goals and not just fly by the seat of your pants. How many clients do you want or need? Do you want to build your audience to offer group coaching? Speaking? Write it down like you would any other goals. And if you find out you don’t like or aren't good at one aspect, pivot and try other things. Once you make goals and plans you don’t have to marry them. 
  4. Have a mastermind ALWAYS. This is a group of people who are doing things similar to you (not necessarily coaches, but it’s good to put together that group). I’ve been in a mastermind continuously for the last decade. The people in the group have changed over time (the last one I’ve been in has been together for about 3 or 4 years), but the support I’ve received in these groups has been invaluable. You can’t build a business and maintain your mental and emotional health alone. 
  5. In the beginning, have a niche. And always be clear on your messaging. Like any business, in order for people to buy from you, they need to know what problem it is that you solve. Have you ever purchased anything when unclear about what problem you’re having solved by your purchase? Have sore muscles? Buy a massage. Bald tires that are unsafe? Buy new tires. Have marriage problems? Buy time with a therapist. No one pays for a life coach unless they are clear on the problem they are having in their life that they want someone to help them solve. (I go into more depth on the podcast episode on this one as to why my niche now is much more broad than it used to be.)
  6. Tell everyone what you do. Life coaching is still a new-ish service, so if you want people to know not only that you do it, but what it is, tell everyone. Tell your hairstylist, your dog groomer, people you start chatting with in line at Starbucks, everyone.
  7. Hold the vision. Your vision may waver. It may get really hard and you’ll want to quit. Your parents or other family members might tell you you’re crazy for leaving your steady paycheck. Also, I hate to break it to you, unless you LOVE building businesses, your coach training will have been the fun part, and now the real work begins. But, one of my favorite questions to ask myself is to fill in the blank, “Wouldn't it be awesome if…” Wouldn’t it be awesome if I had a full practice and had a waiting list? Wouldn’t it be awesome if I had a best-selling book? Wouldn’t it be awesome if I got paid 5-figures to speak on stages?” In other words, keep dreaming and hold on to those dreams. 
  8. Have a model but be flexible. Like any business, you’ll have a business model. Mine has continued to change continuously over the last decade. You might have a funnel, you might not. You might do lots of free sessions to get clients, you might not. You might offer group coaching, you might not. There is no perfect model (and people who tell you that are just trying to get you to buy their model). The only perfect model is one that works for you that you’ve experimented with and honed over time. 
  9. Do your personal growth work. You can have all the business acumen in the world, an MBA and have been taught by the most successful business people on the planet. And that will take you far. But, if you aren’t working on yourself, none of that really matters. Owning your own business will bring up self-worth stuff, inner-critic, comparison, exhaustion, overwhelm, life balance issues, family role issues, you name it. If you don’t work on those, they’ll just stick around and keep you stuck.  Also, you can’t take your clients further than you’re willing to go in your own life. Sure, you can coach them through anything, but if you’re stuck on a topic they bring because it’s the exact same thing you’re stuck on, it’s extremely hard to self manage. Do you own work for you, and because you want to be a role model for your clients. In other words, walk your talk. 
  10. Be consistent, persistent, and persevere. Slow and steady wins the race. If you’re in it for the long game-- which you probably are-- don’t be fooled by stories that you hear of a brand new coach who made 1 million in revenue in their first year (which if they did, I’d bet all my money they spent $800,000 in ads, business coaches, and other help to get there). This business is just like other businesses, it takes time and consistency to build and nurture. 

If you’re a coach and you feel like you need support-- we offer consulting, as well as coaching packages. We can help you with nailing down your messaging, figuring out what’s the best way for you to market yourself, and even if you want to write a book or start a podcast, we can help with that too. Click here to read more and apply

Plus, if you’re like, “Wow, I should probably work on my fear of visibility or my nasty inner-critic so I can really get my coaching business off the ground”, we're epic at helping people do that too. (Andrea facilitates specific deep, transformational work here, or you can look at a shorter package here.)

http://yourkickasslife.com/335

 

Direct download: YKAL-335final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Today I have an interesting episode for you. When Robert Kandell approached me to be on my podcast, I was like, “Wait, whaatttt, who is this guy?” I started looking into his work and he also sent me a copy of his book; I knew I had to have him on the show. He is known as “The Modern Mantor,” is an interpersonal communications and relationship expert, speaker, and podcaster. He is also the author of the book, unHidden: Book for Men and Those Confused By Them

 

Most of the listeners of this podcast are women...but obviously you have men in your lives - whether it be father, brothers, friends, or spouses. And sometimes it can be complicated. Robert and I discuss the different ways in which we can be better communicators with each other, how practicing telling the truth can build stronger relationships, and where and why men tend to hide from their own truths.

 

In this episode you will hear:

 

  • Where men tend to hide and why they hide, plus Robert shares some brain science and explains some of the reasons why men (and women) don’t do the work. (5:18)
  • How Burning Man and an orgy led Robert to a new path in life and relationships. (10:32)
  • The effects of withholding your truth from your intimate partners. (14:58)
  • We are trained to be mediocre communicators, Robert shares one way men and women can have better communication. (19:31)
  • The #MeToo movement was a huge wakeup call to society that the toxic habits of men and women supporting those men can no longer hold up and how the movement has affected men. (25:18)
  • The imbalance of personal development between women and their male companions (whether it be partner, brother, etc). (29:21)

http://yourkickasslife.com/334

 

Direct download: YKAL-334final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Jennifer Louden is a pioneer in the life coaching industry and author of the upcoming book, Why Bother?. I don’t know about you, but I think the title and topic of her book are incredibly timely. As we watch world events unfold, many are probably thinking things like, “Why bother to do that project right now?” Or “Why bother speaking up about the things I believe in?” Why bother?

Together, Jennifer and I discuss her new book and all of the implications of asking the question, “Why bother?” We talk about why it is essential to sit in the grey area of inquiry and curiosity, even when it’s incredibly uncomfortable. And, we explore the idea of desire and the importance of letting desire flow without knowing how it’s going to turn out.

In this episode you’ll hear: 

  • How the writing of a failed memoir led Jennifer to write Why Bother? (10:00)
  • One of the ways “Why bother?” comes visiting (18:18)
  • As we face an unprecedented climate crisis, how asking, “why bother?” helps us address that (19:00)
  • Jennifer shares her six-step process for turning to the bright side of “why bother?” (24:03)
Direct download: YKAL-333final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Amy Ahlers returns to the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast! She has been a life coach for many, many years and is a dear friend of mine. She is a master women’s leadership and life coach, keynote speaker, and the bestselling author of Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves and Reform Your Inner Mean Girl. Amy is on a mission to STOP women from self-bullying and being so darn hard on themselves so they can make their greatest possible contribution.

Today we talk about managing your inner mean girl during times of crisis, such as what we’re all going through right now. Together we discuss the idea of leaning into the depth of what is really important to you currently— which could be napping or jumping into a passion project. What is your soul’s message? We also chat about writing and how it can be a powerful tool for healing. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Reform Your Inner Mean Girl: why Amy decided to co-author the book (5:00)
  • Don’t let your inner mean girl beat you up about what you are doing or not during this time of crisis (7:00)
  • The stress response and the antidote to the stress response; the relaxation response (9:00)
  • Common lies women tell themselves like, “It’s too late for me.” (12:00)
  • The many different ways to journal and how Amy’s practice of writing a letter to her inner wisdom (30:00)

Don’t forget to sign up for our free community call, Top 10 Kick-Ass tips to Get Your Project Started, Done or Out the door which will be held on April 22nd at 3 pm Eastern time. You’ll walk away with concrete tools so that you can create new awareness, heal some old stuff that’s been hanging around, and/or finish that novel or blog you’ve been putting off for years. 

http://yourkickasslife.com/332

 

Direct download: YKAL-332final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This week’s guest is a certified life coach, Liz Applegate. I’ve been wanting to introduce you to Liz because she is my lead coach here at Your Kick-Ass Life! (I so rarely use exclamation marks, so please know, this is very exciting!)  She was hand-selected to assist me with my private coaching clients and I could not be more thrilled to have someone as fantastic as a coach as she is on my team. She is a certified Courageous Living Coach and has been called an inner-critic whisperer by many of her clients.

One of the reasons I wanted to bring Liz onto the show was to speak on the topic of breaking the good girl rules, which is one of her areas of expertise. She explains that these rules are those in which keep grown women playing small. In this episode, we talk about what it actually means to play small, why we move through life unaware of our tolerations, and how we can work to let our innate gifts shine. We also talk about one of Liz’s deepest passions, creating connections with other women. I am super pumped to bring this episode to you today. I hope you enjoy it!

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Liz’s introduction into the world of coaching, first through being life coached and then transitioning to becoming a life coach herself, in 2015. (6:00)
  • What Liz means when she says, ‘breaking the good girl rules’ 
  • How Liz helps women get to the place of being their biggest/best self
  • Breaking limiting beliefs: what they are and how to break them
  • Creating connections with other women (29:00)

http://yourkickasslife.com/331

 

Direct download: YKAL-331final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This episode is a mixed bag of topics! First, I talk about how exhausted you might be, and not understand why. Most of us are emotionally and mentally exhausted, so if you need a nap, this is why. 

Next, I move on to values. Values are still important, even though you’re probably not living your life like you were the last time you did values work.I give an assignment in this section of the episode and talk about how the real work happens in the dark. 

I then move into some advice for other life coaches (I know there are a lot of you who listen!). 

About halfway through the episode, I speak to other life coaches, wellness people, and those of you that run online businesses. I’ve seen some people comment that life coaches and healers should stop promoting their services during this crisis, and I’ve got some things to say about this. In a nutshell, if you’re a coach or healer, don’t stop promoting your business because that would essentially be shutting down your business and that won’t help the economy. 

At the same time (and this is for everyone)-- be present as to what’s happening right now. Communicate about it. Be of service as best you can and know your limits and capacity. 

http://yourkickasslife.com/330

 

Direct download: YKAL-330final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:00pm EDT

I’ve known Sam Bennet for many years now. She’s a writer, speaker, actor, and creativity-productivity specialist as well as the author of the best-selling books, Get It Done and Start Right Where You Are. Sam is the creator of the Organized Artist Company where she helps creative individuals get unstuck and move forward with their goals. She is such a joy and she gives the best advice when I need to hear it.

In this episode, Sam and I discuss procrastination and overwhelm. She reminds us that other people can’t make us feel overwhelmed, it’s a feeling we put onto ourselves. And, she shares some ways to reclaim our power. As Sam said, “When you are doing something you like, in the way you like to do it, it’s not so hard to get stuff done.” 

In this episode you’ll hear:

 

  • What if you let this thing (whatever that thing is for you) be as big as it wants to be? (8:22)
  • Overwhelm and procrastination are BIG words and used to describe many things (10:39)
  • Setting worthy goals and how one can achieve them; plus the ‘groan’ zone (14:56)
  • Some action steps to use your imagination for good (20:50)
  • The eye-opening thing Sam does when she sees people doing things in which she disapproves (30:10)
  • A 5-minute art exercise you can do to help you work through your feelings (32:19)
  • The difference between being creative and being artistic (39:33)

http://yourkickasslife.com/329

Direct download: YKAL-329final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

I want to start this episode by telling you about two resources you may or may not know about. The United Way Emergency Relief Fund is there to help, click here to check it out and apply locally if you are in need. And if you have extra, you can help by donating here

Glennon Doyle, along with her sister, run Together Rising, a non-profit that helps people in need. If you can donate, click here, if you need help, contact contact@togetherrising.org. 

You may or may not know Brandon Stanton of Humans of New York. He posted something on Instagram last week that made me pause and think. 

What I want to focus on is the part where he’s talking about our behavior. 

Of course, our first instinct is to protect ourselves, our children, and our families. That’s normal, human behavior and if we didn’t have this instinct, we wouldn't all be here now. So if you’re beating yourself up for panic buying, or for not having reached out to anyone yet, try to practice self-compassion and let’s move on. 

I’m hoping by the time this episode reaches you, the dust has mostly settled. And by “dust mostly settled”, I mean the shock has worn off, you’ve figured out what your situation is right now, you understand we all need to take this day by day, and if you’re not there yet, you’re working towards a place of surrender. 

And if that’s the case, may we all be able to think about our behavior. Listen in to this episode as I break this down more for you and talk about how to be your best self during this time. I also get into GRIEF, as this might be something you’re dismissing without knowing how important it is. 

Lastly, on April 7th, I’m hosting a free Book CLub Q & A. If you’ve read 52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life and/or How to Stop Feeling Like Shit, you don’t want to miss this! Bring your questions if you have them, and even if you don’t, I can guarantee you’ll learn something from the other women who bring their questions. Click HERE to sign up

http://yourkickasslife.com/328

 

Direct download: YKAL-328final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Last week I sent out two episodes to help you cope through these uncertain times. You can find them here and here. I’ll be airing another one later this week. But, today, I wanted to put out a regular interview. While we are overwhelmed with heightened anxiety and unsure of what will come next, many may be looking for a reprieve; just 45 minutes to focus on something else. Anything else. I hope this episode is that for you. 

I recorded this particular interview several months ago, with guest Regena Thomashauer (a.k.a. “Mama Gena”). I am such a fan of her work and of her, as a person! She is a teacher, mother, founder, and CEO of the School of Womanly Arts. She has authored four popular books, including her newest New York Times Bestseller, Pussy: A Reclamation

In this episode, we discuss why women should reclaim the use of the word pussy, developing sex appeal and exploring pleasure, and the importance of allowing yourself to feel a full range of emotions. 

In this episode you’ll hear: 

  • Why women should use the word “pussy”, and why many women don’t want to (5:12)
  • A woman who owns her pussy owns her life (18:00)
  • Some ways women can begin to develop their own sex appeal and how to take it back (19:00)
  • How women can start to experience a full range of emotions (33:00)

http://yourkickasslife.com/327

 

Direct download: YKAL-327final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Well, first and foremost, I hope you are well, taking care of yourself, and taking care of your loved ones and community if you can. During these uncertain times, that’s the main thing we all need to focus on. 

Before I get into what’s on this extra-bonus episode this week, I wanted to urge you to take social distancing very seriously. If you haven’t played the Social Distancing Game, I urge you to go to this website and play around with the numbers. This is great to do with kids too. It shows you the math on what happens (in other words, how many people will die) if we wait to do social distancing, or if we just have a few friends over who aren’t sick, etc. Yes, people still need to work in order to make money. And yes, it breaks my heart that so many people in the service industry and other industries will take a huge hit during this time. If we work together in our communities, we can help those people recover, and if we practice social distancing we can collectively hit the brakes on this virus and less people will die. 

On Wednesday I sent out a podcast episode where I talked about knowing your boundaries in terms of news and other media. By no means is this the time for spiritual bypassing, but being glued to the news is likely not helpful either. Consume what you need to, take appropriate action, and take breaks. 

I also gave a few more ideas on how to cope, and today I’m back with more. In this episode I’m talking about your physical health (exercise can be your best medicine right now!), your spiritual, and now that I think about it, your mental and emotional health too. All of this is being tested for us, so it’s incredibly important to do your best to stay on top of it. 

In this episode, I also talk about trying to find something to ground you-- a symbol you might see on a fairly regular basis that you can use as a reminder to practice gratitude and/or to remind you to focus on what you CAN control right now. 

I close out the show talking about how eventually, maybe not right now, but eventually this will teach us all something. If you’re in a place to look and listen for that, that’s great. If you’re just barely trying to keep it together, your lessons will come later. 

Lastly, I’m putting together a playlist on Spotify of songs to help get us through this time. Please send me your song suggestions! Once we have a good playlist I’ll send the link out. You can reply to this email or DM me on Instagram. Please tell me the song AND artist. 

http://yourkickasslife.com/326

 

Direct download: YKAL-326final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Originally I had an interview set to go out to you today, but since the world had other plans, we’ve adjusted. 

I want to start out by saying the health and safety of you and your family is what’s MOST important right now. In this podcast episode, I’m going to be talking about how coronavirus is potentially impacting your life, so I just want to make sure you know in case you’re at your limit with what you can take in. Of course, my spin is always positive as I try to inspire you and give you tools to cope, and at the same time, our reality is what it is. 

In this show, I offer a handful of tools to take care of yourself during this time. You know I’m mildly obsessed with coping mechanisms, and right now our coping mechanisms are being put to the test. 

Also, I plan to do two podcast episodes a week at least for a few weeks to help you manage your life while we all try to navigate this new reality. 

Xoxo, 
Andrea

http://yourkickasslife.com/325

Direct download: YKAL-325final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This week we dive into another coaching episode, this time with a woman named Rebecca. She is a speech pathologist living in the NYC area. She has been through The Mentorship Masterclass with me and continues to do the work; because the work never stops.  

In this episode, Rebecca opens up about her struggles with self-doubt. She shares her experiences with procrastinating on some tasks that are very meaningful to a big project in her life. You’ll hear us talk through some of her issues and decide upon some exercises she can use to work through them. 

In this episode you’ll hear: 

  • Rebecca shares her challenges and fears around starting her own business (4:55)
  • Her struggles with feeling like she is ‘not doing enough’ (6:45)
  • The fear of being judged and unwanted identities (6:56)
  • Self-sabotage, comfort zones, and the fear of outshining (16:06)
  • A kick-ass update from Rebecca (45:36)

If you’re a regular podcast listener and resonate with what I tell you there and are wanting something a little more...maybe you want more than just the information and you want to actually implement the things I tell you here and in my books, The Mentorship is for you. You’ll walk away with science-based tools to have more confidence, more self-trust, better relationships, better communication (did someone say boundaries!?), so much more self-awareness and you don’t have to travel! Applications close soon, so check it out here

http://yourkickasslife.com/324

 

Direct download: YKAL-324final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This week on the show we’re hearing from podcast listeners! I know you like to hear stories from women in the YKAL community once in awhile, so I’ve brought you a few of them. You might hear some of yourself in their stories! 

All of these women share their journey from being a podcast listener and self-help book reader, to diving in deeper. Dana, Kelly, and Millie have gone through my signature program, The Mentorship Masterclass, and I hope you’re inspired when you hear what they’ve gained in their lives. 

First you’ll hear from Dana, who came into The Mentorship from all the way in Australia. She opens by telling us how she was feeling stuck, without a purpose, and having a bit of an identity crisis. You’ll hear her mention how the values work has shaped her and how she still relies on self-compassion that was emphasized in the program. 

Then we hear from Kelly, who had reached mid-life and just didn’t know where to start, but knew she needed to start somewhere. She also mentions how the values work has helped her over the last almost year since The Mentorship ended, and something I LOVED to hear her say, that the tools have stuck with her and she still uses them.

Lastly, we hear from Millie, who heard a podcast just like this one where she related so much to what they women I had on shared. Mostly around the topic of shame and she knew it was “the next frontier” she needed to work on. She mentions she remembers me saying, “If you only remember ONE thing I have taught you in this program, please have it be the steps of shame resilience!” Then proceeds to name them which you’ll hear makes me DELIGHTED! 

One thing you’ll notice is that ALL three women talk about the shared humanity among the participants and how much the group dynamic alone was a big part of the process in a positive way. 

We’re currently accepting applications for the next round of The Mentorship Masterclass, you can read all about it here and apply. We’d love to chat to see if it’s a fit for you.

http://yourkickasslife.com/323

 

Direct download: YKAL-323final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

I have another Conversations About Shit That Matters with Unqualified People for you. This week my friend, Nicole Whiting, joins me to talk about some of the life lessons we’ve learned from challenging times (including divorce, suicide, and love addiction). By the way, Nicole is my lead facilitator for the next iteration of Mentorship Masterclass

I met Nicole last year and we became fast friends. During a road trip together, we opened up about some of our deepest, darkest secrets. Yeah, just your usual road trip conversational fare, right? 👀 

After that conversation with Nicole, I realized just how much she has been through and what an incredible human she is, now on the other side of it. So I thought she would be the perfect person to join me for a conversation about shit that matters, in this case, about the complexities of life.  

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Andrea shares her personal story of heartbreak, infidelity, and divorce and how she got through it (4:49)
  • The traumatic event that changed the entire trajectory of Nicole’s life, and how she thought she had healed until she actually started doing the work (12:17)
  • When Andrea’s self-work started, following her massive love addiction and finding her worth in relationships (21:02)
  • Nicole’s experience with people-pleasing behaviors and finally deciding to take a stand and heal (26:07)
  • Shit still happens to life coaches, so it is important to commit to grievances, practice resilience, and use the tools you have; all things we cover in The Mentorship (39:59)

http://yourkickasslife.com/322

 

Direct download: YKAL-322final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This week on the podcast I turned the mic on after a moment of feeling inspired and riffed for about 30 minutes or so about the fear of shining too bright. 

Every once in a while I feel like there’s a podcast episode I REALLY want you to hear, and this is one of them. 

Because I honest to goodness think we all struggle here. Our culture tells us not to shine too bright. Don’t draw too much attention to yourself, don’t brag, don’t take credit or praise or compliments, don’t take up too much space, don’t shine too much because you’ll make others uncomfortable and you’ll just look bad. 

Even if we don’t consciously think these things, these core beliefs can be embedded in our DNA. Our mothers and our mother’s mothers were taught this too. 

So, I break it down in the episode, plus give you some strategies to help you unlearn this and start shining. 

BECAUSE WE NEED MORE OF YOUR SHININESS. 🌟🔥🌟

P.S. If this episode speaks to you, I invite you to check out The Mentorship. Our fear of outshining comes from deep-rooted shame, more specifically our desire to avoid shame. The Mentorship teaches you the steps of shame resilience, among many other tools to implement in your life to be the best version of yourself you can be.

P. P. S. Podcast art this week is one of my favorite pictures of my daughter and me trying on hats. There she is in all her shiny glory. Multicolored skirt, striped leggings, and Hello Kitty cowboy boots.

http://yourkickasslife.com/321

 

Direct download: YKAL-321final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Jeanette LeBlanc is back on the YKAL podcast!  She is the author of You Are Not Too Much: Love Notes of Heartache, Redemption, and Reclamation. Through her work, her writing, and today’s conversation, she offers a different take on how to reclaim your wants, needs, and desires. 

(We’re doing a GIVEAWAY of Jeanette’s book, so make sure you listen to know how to win a copy!)

Women often will put up with suffering or bullshit before deciding to walk away from a crappy situation. It takes a wild amount of courage to step into a life transition. Jeanette believes, “Sometimes our stories are the only things that can save us.”

In this episode, we talk about acknowledging (and honoring) our deep revelations and having the willingness to step into them with radical honesty. Of course, there may be circumstances where you can’t step into your truth and Jeanette shares how her work gives voice to those who are unable to speak out. 

In this episode, you’ll hear:

  • Jeanette’s desire to be in a place of truth and transparency and her journey to get there (5:00)
  • Sharing your truth for the first time is the first and most important step (14:03)
  • Why it is important to acknowledge there is risk to speak your truth and why Jeanette sees her work as the voice for those who can’t (21:00)
  • Jeanette shares an alter ego exercise to help you step into your truest self (31:16)

http://yourkickasslife.com/320

 

Direct download: YKAL-320final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This week I have another coaching episode for you, on the topic of money. A few months ago Melanie joined me for a two-part coaching session on money and self-worth. But, the topic of money varies widely, from person to person.  In fact, the topic of money is always nuanced and deeply personal. 

In this episode, Erica, who was in my signature program, Mentorship Masterclass, joins me to talk about her beliefs about money.  I have a feeling many will relate to what she has to say about how she feels about money and how she wants to change her mindset about it. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Erica shares her issues with limiting beliefs around money, as well as her shopping and spending habits (7:00)
  • Redirecting your thoughts and feelings about money (10:00)
  • Some of the stories we make up about people whose finances appear to be in tip-top shape (13:20)
  • We explore the question, “What if having the urge to spend is actually okay?” (19:00)
  • Accepting the process, understanding behaviors and realizing that personal development work is almost never linear (27:00)
  • A kick-ass update from Erica about shifting her beliefs around money, complete with a photo of her money crown project (see below)! (43:35)

http://yourkickasslife.com/319

 

Direct download: YKAL-319final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This week I welcome Dr. Valerie Rein to the YKAL podcast. Dr. Valerie discovered Patriarchy Stress Disorder (PSD) and created the only science-backed system for helping women achieve their ultimate success, happiness, and fulfillment by healing the collective, inherited trauma of oppression. She is also the author of Patriarchy Stress Disorder: The Invisible Inner Barrier to Women’s Happiness and Fulfillment.  

I met Dr. Valerie at an event late last year. I serendipitously sat at her table and as she was talking about her work and her book, I was enamored. In fact, I invited her onto the podcast on the spot. Her work is important, interesting, and backed by science.

When it comes to the patriarchy, as women, there is a deeper issue going on then the blame game. We are not going to heal by pointing fingers. My conversation with Dr. Valerie is just one step of many that will help move women towards healing from the patriarchy. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • How Dr. Valerie discovered PSD and how her search began with asking the question, “What is wrong with me?” (5:00)
  • Oppression is traumatic and it is deep in our DNA (10:04)
  • Patriarchy does not equal men and men do not equal patriarchy, patriarchy is a system that has been oppressive and disempowering to women (14:00)
  • PSD is the invisible inner barrier to women's happiness and fulfillment and trauma defenses: mind, body, and action (15:00)
  • Some of the symptoms or circumstances of PSD (and yes, we all have it) (19:00)
  • Dr. Valerie’s message to men and how to bring them into the conversation and still take care of ourselves (32:06)

http://yourkickasslife.com/318

 

Direct download: YKAL-318final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

At the end of 2019, Facebook memories told me I posted this 10 years ago...

I found it so interesting that I’d posted this (I don’t at all remember what was going on that day), as the decade that was approaching did end up being a decade of tremendous change for me. 

Seeing this prompted me to think about the entire decade and do a “decade in review”. I thought I would share it with you in hopes that you see some of yourself in this and gain some insight from some of my own life lessons. 

In the episode, I start with January 2010, when I had a 2-year-old and a 4-month-old, was finishing up my life coaching certification hours, and blogging under liveyourideallife.com. 

There were two moves across the United States, two book deals, sobriety, discovering our son had special needs, playing roller derby, my dad dying, and more. 

You’ll hear about the thing that truly threw me for a loop, and prompted a withdrawal and what that looked like for me. 

Ending the decade with an offer I couldn’t refuse. 

I close the episode with some life lessons I’ve learned on being a working mom, aging, and what it means to be happy. 

I hope you tune in and do your own decade in review! 

Lastly, applications are opening in February for the Mentorship Masterclass, my signature program. Head over to get on the list to be the first to be notified.  

http://yourkickasslife.com/317

 

Direct download: YKAL-317final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

It’s been a minute since I brought you an episode of Conversations About Shit That Matters with Unqualified People. If you’ve been hanging on to the edge of your seat waiting for the next one to appear in your podcast feed, well, today is your lucky day. Conversations About Shit That Matters is back! If you are new to this series, it features candid conversations with my real-life friends about stuff that happens in everyday life. This is not an episode that offers expert advice, tools or tips. Instead, my friends (who may be experts in other fields) and I come on to talk, explore, and share about specific topics affecting our lives and the world in which we live. 

This week, returning guest Kate Anthony joins me to talk about anxiety and depression. We’ve both struggled with anxiety, and Kate with depression. In this episode, we share our experiences and how we navigate these challenges in our own lives. We do also share some of the strategies we employ in our own self-care regimens. But please note, we are not licensed professionals around this topic. I really hope you enjoy this conversation! 

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Our experiences with anxiety in childhood and our teen years (7:16)
  • Kate shares her experience with depression and about when her depression and anxiety began to manifest (23:00)
  • My story about how I was diagnosed with severe generalized anxiety disorder and how I felt so betrayed by my own body (25:00)
  • Anxiety and depression medication that helped us and some of the side effects we had (27:00)
  • Our self-care practices and strategies for navigating anxiety and depression (36:01)

http://yourkickasslife.com/316

 

Direct download: YKAL-316final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Last week I sent out an email telling you all that January 2nd was the second birthday for How to Stop Feeling Like Shit. Over 170,000 copies sold and more than half of those are the audiobook version. It fills my heart with immense gratitude knowing that so many of you have read or listened to HTSFLS. In this podcast episode, I go over what shame has to do with all of the 14 habits I write about in the book. From Isolating and numbing out, to perfectionism and overachieving, it all has to do with shame. 

I go on to talk more specifically about some in regards to all the habits. In talking about this book for the last two years, I heard which behaviors resonated the most with all of you. Tune in to the episode to see which ones! 

The thing is, the real work happens when we take action. Reading books and listening to podcasts is fantastic, and the thing that’s going to allow you to have the most momentum and see the biggest results is when you take what you read or listen to and integrate it into your life. 

As I mention in the episode, as a gift you, you can download the PDF version of all the “hard questions” from the chapters in HTSFLS below. 

Resources mentioned in this episode:
How To Stop Feeling Like Shit
Episode 312: Sexuality and Spiritual Awakening with Jessica Graham
Listen and Subscribe to Not Another Self-Help Podcast

http://yourkickasslife.com/315

 

Direct download: YKAL-315.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

This week on the podcast, I am re-broadcasting my conversation with Keith McArthur because NEW YEAR NEW YOU, right? Keith is the author of the book, “Winning Resolutions: Achieve Your Biggest Goals and Wildest Dreams Once and For All.” He’s also the creator of My Instruction Manual, a website, podcast and book series providing high-quality personal development and content. I’ve been on Keith’s podcast twice and know him to be an amazing interviewer. 

So, about a year ago, I released an episode called, “New Year New You” (ep 262), in which I said, loud and clear, that you do not need a morning routine or for that matter, any routine that doesn’t fit your lifestyle. But yet, I also realize that the new year can be overwhelming for many. That’s why I invited Keith to the show to talk about ways to calm the New Year overwhelm, help shift our mindset around goal setting, and share what he knows about our environment and how it can affect goal achieving. Plus, he shares what values, shame and commitment have to do with it all.  

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Why we put so much pressure on ourselves at the start of a new year and how shame comes into play (11:49)
  • Keith’s take on the “New Year, New You” mentality (13:27)
  • The biggest mistake people make when creating a goal or resolution. Plus, some science-based strategies for achieving your biggest, baddest goals (16:19)
  • How an accountability partner can help you with goals and the science behind finding the right accountability partner (25:03)
  • Some ways to get back on track if you lose sight or abandon a goal, hint: think ahead!  (27:43)
  • Taking control of your environment and some ways to structure your environment for goal success (40:34)

Lastly, my new creative project with Amy Smith, Not Another Self-Help Podcast drops THIS FRIDAY, January 3rd! Please go take a listen, subscribe, and tell us what you think!  

Direct download: YKAL-314final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

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