Wed, 27 April 2016
Usually when I record a solo podcast episode, you get to read the whole thing here in a handy-dandy blog post. However, this lesson/episode has a story attached that is so...I don’t even know how to describe it...painful/excruciating/funny/embarrassing, to type it up won’t do it justice. You’ll just have to listen.
In it, I’m sharing with you times I’ve done something vulnerable and fallen on my face. Stories where it didn’t work out. And how I got back up again and moved on.
I start with the story of me going to see Rob Bell speak last week in Durham and I made a complete asshat of myself, not once, not twice, but three times in one day. The second one wasn’t quite that bad, but the third one was so bad if you’re that person who has trouble watching excruciating moments during reality shows, (like me) this will make you uncomfortable. This picture of me with crazy eyes and Rob Bell was taken about 10 minutes before that third thing happened…
I actually had a different episode planned for today, but this thing happened and I decided to share it for three reasons:
Then, I’ll talk about asking some big-name self-help people I’ve invited to be on the show, being rejected, and the one big takeaway I know that keeps me going.
And last I’ll talk about love-- what’s it like to have two back-to-back failed relationships, and not just failed-- like fall-on-your-face betrayed, cheated on, lied to, conned and dumped ….and finding love and trust again. (Hint: it’s hard, and complicated, and still a work in progress).
I’ll tell you the story of what made me imagine what it would look like if my husband and I split up, got divorced, had to tell my kids, all of it. Essentially, I was rehearsing tragedy. Because JOY IS HARD. My life is great and hard and messy and beautiful and all of it is vulnerable to feel my way through it. I know what disaster looks like and feels like. Those memories are visceral and real and when they come up, I use them now to alert me to LEAN INTO JOY. Lean into love. And that’s hard because I know it could all get taken away at any second. But, I can choose to obsess on that, or I can choose to see it, acknowledge it, and choose love and joy. Rehearsing tragedy for me is me being lazy. It’s easy to do that. It’s hard to surrender to joy. Listen to the episode to get the FULL story!
And hey-- did you know? YKAL got an upgrade and we have a new website! To celebrate we’re running a giveaway*. To enter, simply do one of two things:
Details: I’m giving away one of each: A signed copy of my book, a 5-Minute Journal, a Mantra Band, and a Knock-Knock Journal. (Contest runs from 4/22/16 to 4/29/16 at midnight Eastern time. Winners will be contacted via the social media avenue you entered, so be sure to check your emails/DM’s there. One entry per person. No purchase necessary)
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Wed, 20 April 2016
Welcome to episode 95 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast. This episode is a first for the show: we are talking about death, dying and grief. You might be thinking, “Yeah, no thanks!” And yes, these are things we’ve never covered before but a topic that is incredibly powerful and necessary. Seriously, ass kickers, this was one of my favorite conversations on the YKAL podcast!
Dr. Martha Atkins joins us to share her wisdom on this topic. Dr. Martha is the CEO of her own company, holds a PhD in counseling education and is also a published author on the topic of grief, death and dying.
On this episode Dr. Martha shares her personal stories of loss and grief, and what led her to do this work. Episode 95 is a powerful conversation guaranteed to touch you and provide insights on the grief cycle; the insights you hear today will help you the next time you’re faced with any kind of loss.
Wed, 13 April 2016
Hi ass kickers! Welcome to our first edition of Listener Q & A. You sent me your questions, and I’ve answered them on the podcast. If you’re not familiar with the podcast, simply click the pink player button above to listen, or you can find the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast on iTunes (Apple devices) or Stitcher (Android).
I answered three questions on everything from relationships, to the inner-critic, to setting boundaries. And more! I hope you enjoy listening!
At minute 3:51...
I have three juicy questions for Sara to think about, hopefully that will help her think some about the situation from new perspectives. I let her know she may have unrealistic expectations of this relationship and direct her also to another podcast I did with Christine Hassler, author or Expectation Hangover. If anyone has had disappointing relationships, give that episode a listen!
Even if you don’t have the same situation with in-laws that Sara does, you probably have that person in your life where you have the choice to have a conversation with them about something that is unsaid.
I have been doing a lot of work on my inner critic. Every time I start to let her come out, I write down everything she says and then flip the paper over to write what I would tell a friend if they told me that stuff. I haven't done it in a while but have became more aware of the thoughts and more able to switch the thoughts. I'm super proud to this!!
But I have started to neutralize myself. Like I don't feel anything. I'm not sure where to go from here. Sometimes I feel bad for not being such a worrier. I’m not feeling the emotions the way I want. I'm missing out on true joy. I'm scared if I feel more than all the bad will rush back in. Yes, I don't feel as miserable but I don't feel happiness either. What are some tools to use to get over this numbing.
First, can we give Amy a HELL YES for doing the work? The tool she used there is from the “quick and dirty” section of my 14-day Gremlin e-course.
I’m so glad Amy asked this question-- this is a typical progression for people that work on their inner-critics. They get to a place where they’re like, “Now what?” In this section of the podcast, I take Amy though some additional exercises to get to “feeling the feels” and drop this quote:
I give Amy 2 more tools to use to help her, and refer her to listen to this podcast episode about how hard it is for so many people to lean into JOY.
At the end of this section of the episode, I talk about the importance of friendships when it comes to processing your feelings. Friendships need to be intentional! I talk more about that here.
Even if you’re not the single parent of a child with Autism, this portion of the episode will probably help you. I tell Autumn about one of my favorite sayings from 12 step programs that’s always helpful to let go of what someone else is doing or not doing.
In addition, I provide some helpful resources (my son has Autism too), as well as the importance of self-compassion.
Also, OMG also, I talk about boundaries. Here’s the video I mention of my fairy godmother (and yours), Brené Brown talking about just this:
Lastly, I mention the podcast episode I did with Randi Buckley on setting boundaries.
Ass kickers, I hope this episode was helpful for you and if you have a question you’d like answered in our next edition (coming out in about a month or so), shoot us an email at email@example.com.
Hugs and ass kicking,
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Wed, 6 April 2016
Welcome to episode 93 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast. Today my new friend from Soul Camp is here to talk about love and relationships. Rachel DeAlto is a certified coach from the Institute of Professional Excellence in Coaching (IPEC) certified coach and a certified hypnotherapist from the International Association Of Counselors & Therapists (IACT). She’s been featured on The Today Show, Good Morning America, CNN/HLN, The Steve Harvey Show, Fox News, Cosmopolitan, and Glamour, among others. If that wasn’t enough she’s also given two TEDx talks: one on the Power of Kindness and another on Killing Fear! On this episode Rachel shares her perspective on what makes a healthy relationship, what self-love means and how she practices it, plus how to heal a broken heart no matter what stage of grief you are in.